Funny Status Messages

   The Buccaneers perfectly captured the spirit of Tampa Bay by their feature player being a middle aged man who spent his career in the northeast and then moved to Florida to retire.

   Sometimes I think I need to be in a mental institution, then I look around and think that maybe I already am.

   So how did Amish.com happen?

   Dear future musicians of the world. Just because you can push a button with a drum sound does NOT make you a musician. People used to actually play their instruments.

   You had me at “we have a warrant”

   I just blocked someone on Facebook for correcting my grammar and it feelted good.

   She blinded me with science! Well, Chemistry... Mace. It was mace.

   Being an adult is eating the crust not because you like it, but because you paid for it.

   My wife told me to get rid of my Hall & Oates collection. I told her I can't go for that.

   Instead of turkey, I'm Having Grey Goose For Thanksgiving Dinner.

   Wow. Hard to believe in only a month my wife and daughters will be returning the gifts I bought them.

   STDs are not Pokémon, you don’t have to catch them all, Kim Kardashian.

   I hate when people say "Well, it could have been worse." Well you know what, Becky? It could have been a hell of a lot better too!

   Ladies, if three or more guys have called you crazy, you're crazy...

   Are you supposed to sound like one of your parents when you sneeze?

   Tanya Harding was taking a knee before it was cool.

   Relationship status: Would get in the van

   Costco: Where you can go broke saving money...

   People who get offended on Facebook are the same people that take mini golf seriously

   Today I saw a homeless man holding a sign that said "why live in a 100k home when I can live under a 3 million dollar bridge?" Now thats what I call being BOLD