Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon My naked girlfriend just fell on the floor as she was climbing into bed. 5 second rule?
←Rate | 12-05-2010 17:45 by @Jimboleem Comments (2)  

   messageicon Why Do Guys Cheat On Pretty Girls With Ugly Ones....?
←Rate | 03-22-2010 12:44 by Samir Momin Comments (7)  

   messageicon if you want me to go running with you, I'm going to need some motivation... Like a clown waving a bloody knife and chasing us.
←Rate | 07-18-2010 21:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon i hate when its dark and your brain is all "you know what we havent thought about in a while...demons."
←Rate | 12-16-2011 21:40 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon When buying a flat screen tv, always remember to put the box in your neighbor's trash so you don't get robbed.
←Rate | 09-19-2011 11:14 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just been watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there's already been a wrist injury...but I should be ok by friday;)
←Rate | 06-15-2013 05:13 by Arda Comments (0)  

   messageicon The majority of Americans support sending Congress to Syria.
←Rate | 09-09-2013 13:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every Olympic event should include one average person competing, for reference.
←Rate | 08-03-2012 19:38 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon Billion Dollar Idea: A condom that changes color when it comes in contact with an STD.
←Rate | 01-13-2013 15:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon You never realize how weird your family is until you start to describe them to someone else
←Rate | 05-06-2010 15:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If the zombie apocalypse ever happens, I'm just going to surround my house with outward facing treadmills. I should be fine.
←Rate | 06-07-2010 12:42 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder if the clothes in China say "made around the corner "
←Rate | 04-15-2012 14:17 by fadolo Comments (0)  

   messageicon On the internet you can be whoever you want. It's odd that so many choose to be stupid.
←Rate | 01-14-2012 08:04 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  

   messageicon I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I'm not a shopaholic.
←Rate | 07-16-2011 20:49 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon The majority of life's greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.
←Rate | 07-13-2011 16:16 by SuthernFukr Comments (2)  

   messageicon It's sad to see how people seem to put more effort into their wedding than they do into their marriage.
←Rate | 10-04-2011 04:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In hindsight, allowing girls into our treehouse would have been a great idea.
←Rate | 06-01-2011 14:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Survival rule #1: You go first.
←Rate | 05-14-2011 13:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon You guys can laugh at my cargo pants all you want, but I just walked out of Taco Bell with 350 sauce packets.
←Rate | 10-30-2012 15:45 Comments (1)  

   messageicon The great thing about being a guy is I don't have to put on a "face" to go outside. All I have to do is make sure my nutsack isn't showing and I'm pretty much golden.
←Rate | 06-14-2013 19:16 Comments (0)  

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