Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If I had to guess where everything went wrong, I'd have to say it was the day I learned "elemenopee" wasn't one awesome letter.
←Rate | 11-04-2011 09:16 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain 3.) prisoner of war 4.) homeless person 5.) wizard
←Rate | 08-19-2012 10:10 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  

   messageicon Few things raise suspicion like a black guy in a Mercedes with a ski rack.
←Rate | 01-15-2013 22:04 by Space Monkey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I Dont Care If You're A Gangster, Pull Up Your Pants Please!
←Rate | 03-26-2010 16:11 by Samir Momin Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ooh, baby. Can you do that thing to me with your mouth? You know. Shut it and don't speak. Oh yeah. That's feels awesome.
←Rate | 04-15-2011 22:11 by Gman Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's a shame that stupidity can't be converted into a usable energy source.
←Rate | 05-24-2011 09:38 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon There are 470 tiles on my church's ceiling.
←Rate | 06-13-2011 15:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My lady asked me if we could go out to somewhere expensive the other night, so I took her to the gas station.
←Rate | 03-11-2011 13:59 by abbybaby34 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I did 26 situps this morning. It's not a lot, but then again how many times can someone snooze an alarm clock?
←Rate | 03-06-2011 00:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon just set my phone to flight mode and then threw it in the air, let's just say... WORST TRANSFORMER EVER.
←Rate | 03-17-2011 12:40 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I bet Harold Camping's church service Sunday was pretty awkward.
←Rate | 05-23-2011 12:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon These kids today need to show a little respect to those of us who fought for, and won the right to party.
←Rate | 06-07-2011 20:24 by jdpower Comments (0)  

   messageicon You may think I'm a loser, but to my goldfish I am "THE GOD OF FLAKES."
←Rate | 06-15-2011 07:03 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know a girl just broke up with her boyfriend when she starts putting a million quotes on Facebook.
←Rate | 09-11-2011 23:06 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ladies: if you argue with your man naked, you will win every single time.
←Rate | 09-25-2011 06:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Its funny that when you put a depressing status on Facebook some people actually like it?.. "Im feeling down and going to jump off a bridge" ... 10 people like this?..WTF!!!
←Rate | 09-30-2011 08:53 by Memz Comments (1)  

   messageicon Man Fact: Even if a Man notices that another Man's fly is down, he will Never tell him out of fear of the follow-up question, "Why are you looking there?"....
←Rate | 10-04-2011 13:56 by Vitamin N Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did you know that most accidents occur within one mile of your home? Which is why I'm never going anywhere near your home.
←Rate | 02-22-2011 18:03 by WhiplashWally Comments (0)  

   messageicon If my absence doesn't alter your life, then my presence has no meaning in it.
←Rate | 11-15-2011 13:36 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dora has taught me just enough Spanish to engage Spanish-speaking people in the worst conversation they've ever had.
←Rate | 11-21-2011 09:14 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  

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