Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If you ever need anything please don't hesitate to ask someone else first.
←Rate | 05-18-2011 21:54 by matt Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Just kidding" is just an excuse to not get in trouble for something that you really wanted to say all along.
←Rate | 03-19-2011 19:23 by Abbybaby34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not that vain, but that song is about me.
←Rate | 08-23-2011 22:11 by Fat Alec Comments (0)  

   messageicon Before you get married try walking with your partner through IKEA. If you don't end up in an argument, you're good to go.
←Rate | 09-05-2011 05:51 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??
←Rate | 10-07-2011 13:07 by bryan j brown Comments (0)  

   messageicon Lady GAGA was at the VMAs covered in meat. Now she's at the Grammys dressed as an egg. Two more red carpets and Gaga will be a Denny's Grand Slam.
←Rate | 02-13-2011 21:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon People are not mirrors, They see you completely differently than the way you see yourself.
←Rate | 02-24-2011 10:18 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When people try extra hard to cover the keypad as they enter their pin at the ATM, I always want to whisper, "I saw it" when they're done.
←Rate | 02-24-2011 20:26 by Abbybaby34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Spinning my mouse wheel because that's how I scroll
←Rate | 04-17-2011 14:07 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate when people take my glasses, put them on, and say, "Oh. You really can't see, huh?" NO s**t sherlock. You don't see other people taking other people's wheel chairs saying, "Oh. You really can't walk, huh?"
←Rate | 05-09-2011 21:52 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon You ever notice how most Ford vehicle names are more fun when you put "anal" in front of them? Probe, Explorer, Excursion, Endeavor, Ranger, Focus...
←Rate | 06-27-2011 16:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Have you ever looked up the word "dictionary" in the dictionary? A hand comes out of the page and slaps you across the face.
←Rate | 02-10-2010 15:29 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon Gas for trip to Walmart: $4.75 Miley Cyrus movie: $19.95 Box of tissue: $2.95 Hand Lotion: $3.78 The look of disgust on the cashiers face:
←Rate | 03-30-2010 13:02 by Samir Momin Comments (4)  

   messageicon cutting the sleeves off my Snuggie because it makes me look more badass...
←Rate | 07-13-2010 15:56 Comments (0)  

←Rate | 03-20-2010 00:09 by Samir Momin Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never be ashamed of who you are. Be ashamed of who you pretend to be.
←Rate | 02-23-2011 18:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I'm on my death bed, I want my last words to be...."I left 10 million dollars in the..........."
←Rate | 08-22-2011 11:06 by AC Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.
←Rate | 01-29-2012 10:01 by Dopey 420 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your ass.
←Rate | 03-28-2012 21:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon born at a very young age.
←Rate | 09-13-2010 21:05 by Shamus Comments (0)  

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