Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon ‎9 out of 10 doctors will agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
←Rate | 01-07-2011 08:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes all I'm really doing with my life is just trying to make it from one weekend to the next.
←Rate | 08-25-2010 13:13 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never buy a car you can't push.
←Rate | 09-04-2010 14:25 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was on a plane the other day and when it landed, the pilot said, "Those of you needing wheelchair assistance, please remain seated." I don't think they had much of a choice.
←Rate | 09-19-2010 10:49 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Characters did not match verification code. Please try again." Of course it didn't. You gave me 3 squiggle things, a backwards P and an upside down 4.
←Rate | 09-20-2010 19:42 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
←Rate | 10-16-2010 22:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon could care less about the color, as long as it is on my floor with the rest of your clothes.
←Rate | 01-08-2010 09:57 by Jason Ellis Comments (0)  

   messageicon not having any fun unless he is doing something immoral, illegal, dangerous, or fattening.
←Rate | 01-13-2010 08:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ..pays her bills with a smile. Most creditors,however,would prefer cash..
←Rate | 01-20-2010 11:01 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played girl bunny?..............Neither did I. I was just asking.
←Rate | 02-15-2010 05:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon glad to hear that SeaWorld is reopening its "safer" shows this week featuring Norman, the Involuntary Manslaughter Whale.
←Rate | 03-01-2010 07:51 by markf Comments (1)  

   messageicon Be Poor... Its Cheaper :)
←Rate | 05-13-2010 15:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm super sick, and while I don't need anyone to nurse me back to health but I'd like someone to pick up my tissues and let me be mean to them..
←Rate | 05-17-2010 09:52 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon While eliminating ISIS, there is another group of terrorists that has been terrorising Americans for years that needs to be taken care of for good. The Kardashians.
←Rate | 09-24-2014 12:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So you can't get on a plane with tweezers but Ebola is okay.
←Rate | 10-06-2014 02:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Your shirt might say UFC but your body says KFC
←Rate | 10-15-2014 19:30 by @chad_kautz Comments (0)  

   messageicon My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.
←Rate | 11-03-2014 06:23 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Million Dollar Idea: A restaurant that offers Coke and Pepsi....
←Rate | 11-17-2014 21:35 by Sully Comments (0)  

   messageicon Analysts say Obama's new immigration plan will focus on deporting violent criminals. So, this could impact your fantasy football team.
←Rate | 11-21-2014 14:13 by Mark M Comments (0)  

   messageicon I didn't sleep well last night so I made my coffee with redbull instead of water. I got half way to work before I realized I forgot my car.
←Rate | 09-25-2013 10:25 Comments (0)  

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