Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 126 of 5810

   messageicon If I had a time machine I'd show Albert Einstein the Internet and ruin everything.
←Rate | 04-27-2012 06:07 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think the only way I'll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I'm in prison.
←Rate | 06-03-2012 13:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When Life knocks you down, calmly get back up, smile, and say "You hit like a bit$h."
←Rate | 06-07-2012 21:50 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon I waited so long to do laundry, that now I'm headed to the Laundromat wearing my Halloween costume….
←Rate | 06-11-2012 14:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Karma is like a can only stretch so far before it comes back and smacks you in the face!
←Rate | 03-07-2012 14:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon when it costs more to get to work than you make, the amish are probly laughin their @sses off
←Rate | 03-22-2012 16:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ghetto Word Of The Day: COLOGNE. Usage: "You think you cologne me a dollar?"
←Rate | 04-01-2012 06:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hey,, When I was young I had to Post stuff manually... Barefoot in the snow,,, uphill both ways....... And I was GRATEFULL
←Rate | 04-07-2012 08:03 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon I try to avoid nice people so they can stay that way.
←Rate | 10-20-2012 12:40 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

   messageicon My haters only have one advantage over me. They can kiss my ass, I can't.
←Rate | 01-15-2013 12:26 by @zubindalal1 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My liver works harder for two days than I do all week...
←Rate | 07-15-2012 10:17 by Steve OH Comments (0)  

   messageicon I Love when my Friends help to Identify themselves as Technologically-Retarded Idiots by changing their Status to: "WOW I cant believe that you can see who is viewing your Profile!"...
←Rate | 08-03-2012 14:55 by Vitamin N Comments (0)  

   messageicon Welcome to Hollister would you like a gas mask, flashlight, or earplugs?
←Rate | 08-03-2012 21:48 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon Calm down, take a deep breath and hold it for about 20 minutes.
←Rate | 08-08-2012 15:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I remember when a wasted weekend had absolutely nothing to do with being unproductive.
←Rate | 07-01-2013 00:14 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have mixed drinks about feelings...
←Rate | 07-27-2013 15:59 by equaloppjoker Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm firming up my holiday plans. It looks like multiple trips to the kitchen plus an extended stay on the couch.
←Rate | 11-21-2012 12:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The rhinoceros is just a fat, lazy unicorn
←Rate | 11-30-2012 18:25 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)  

   messageicon Reports are in that Hugo Chjavez has died....hmmmmm ✔ Saddam Hussein ✔ Osama Bin Ladden ✔ Moammar Gadhafi ✔Kim Jong IL ❒Fidel Castro ✔Hugo Chavez - Not good timesr for my Fantasy Dictator League...
←Rate | 03-05-2013 20:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dennis rodman is the Jane Fonda of this generation
←Rate | 03-15-2013 20:36 by Smeebert Comments (0)  

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