Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon ever noticed on sponge bob that krusty crab is in bikini bottom...?
←Rate | 03-08-2010 14:35 by Samir Momin Comments (0)  

   messageicon To my Family & Friends. There were probably many times this year when I may have disturbed you, troubled you, pestered you, irritated you, bugged you, or got on your nerves. So today I just wanted to tell you. Suck it up cupcake! There are NO CHANGES plan
←Rate | 12-31-2010 09:04 by @Torren_T Comments (4)  

   messageicon Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain 3.) prisoner of war 4.) homeless person 5.) wizard
←Rate | 08-19-2012 10:10 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm the heck down.
←Rate | 09-30-2012 05:04 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  

   messageicon If only my ceiling fan could hold my weight, then I would never be bored again.
←Rate | 08-17-2011 12:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you ever find yourself I really need to go out and buy myself a Clay Aiken cd...please delete me as a Facebook friend
←Rate | 02-11-2011 14:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There are 470 tiles on my church's ceiling.
←Rate | 06-13-2011 15:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
←Rate | 06-23-2011 11:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love Pandas, They're so chill. They're like "Dude, racism is stupid. I'm white, Black, & Asian..."
←Rate | 05-11-2011 14:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon i dont know why but everytime someone starts a conversation with "this one time" my brain automatically says "at band camp"
←Rate | 08-20-2011 16:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yesterday I went to see a shrink about my Facebook addiction, everything was going smoothly and I was on the road to recovery until he asked me, What's on your mind?
←Rate | 09-10-2011 05:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon if anyone catches me singing in my car, my immediate reaction is to stare at them until it is equally awkward for both of us.
←Rate | 07-25-2011 07:58 by Zep Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent an idiot from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
←Rate | 01-31-2011 18:02 by Will Comments (1)  

   messageicon Facebook crushes are all fun and games until someone buys a plane ticket.
←Rate | 06-30-2014 01:48 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon I pledge to drink a bucket of wine to raise awareness for the earthquake that affected Napa wine country.
←Rate | 08-25-2014 15:12 by jenngren Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just coughed and sneezed at the same time, I think I traveled 3 seconds into the future.
←Rate | 12-20-2010 19:05 by Marshall the Great Comments (3)  

   messageicon I can't recall one time in my entire life that I've answered a phone call from a "restricted" number and then said, "Wow, I'm glad I answered that"
←Rate | 12-27-2010 22:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I always mean what I say, but I don't always mean to say it out loud..
←Rate | 01-11-2011 16:44 by scottyp Comments (0)  

   messageicon The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail...
←Rate | 08-31-2010 21:49 by geez Comments (0)  

   messageicon Okay, can someone please invent the opposite of a microwave. I need my beer cold, now. And no, the freezer is not fast enough.
←Rate | 09-15-2010 21:19 Comments (0)  

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