Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon has heard that love makes the world go round... but so does tequila!
←Rate | 02-25-2010 19:15 by GirlX Comments (3)  

   messageicon thinks that, instead of 45 secs, they should limit tonight's Oscar acceptance speeches to the same as Twitter, 140 characters!!
←Rate | 03-07-2010 12:18 by Rich Fa Comments (0)  

   messageicon put my purse on the passenger seat and the passenger seatbelt light came on. Think it's time to clean out my purse??
←Rate | 03-07-2010 17:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon (insert random song lyrics that describe how I feel, even though nobody cares)
←Rate | 03-15-2010 11:26 by Jake Comments (1)  

   messageicon it takes me five minutes to get dressed and fifty-five minutes looking for my other shoe....
←Rate | 11-05-2010 00:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I won a trip to China now am stuck here waiting to win a trip back home
←Rate | 11-30-2010 01:59 by kibobi Comments (0)  

   messageicon There are only two people I trust in this world... One is myself, and the other one is NOT you.
←Rate | 11-30-2010 07:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who among us has not proclaimed into the whir of a fan, "Luke. I am your father."
←Rate | 12-14-2010 13:10 by Sara Comments (0)  

   messageicon getting his eraser ready for two weeks of me putting 2010 on all my papers.
←Rate | 01-01-2011 18:13 Comments (21)  

   messageicon just had a near death experience and other peoples' lives flashed before my eyes…I have GOT to stop being so f@#king nosey…
←Rate | 01-20-2011 10:42 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fool people into thinking you have a social life by going offline for a few hours.
←Rate | 01-23-2011 09:14 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  

   messageicon I think the sudden stardom of Justin Bieber marks the beginning of the apocalypse.
←Rate | 04-10-2010 23:36 by The Fred Comments (0)  

   messageicon Being 'clean and sober' means I've showered and I'm headed to the liquor store.
←Rate | 03-18-2014 13:47 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you feel like you've done nothing in life remember that some trees take 20 years to grow only to become notebooks with Justin Bieber on them.
←Rate | 04-04-2014 23:46 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's cool how Bruce Lee studied philosophy & poetry then applied it to something beautiful like punching people in the face.
←Rate | 04-23-2014 01:05 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just a reminder that you don’t have to tell Facebook goodnight. You can just stop talking
←Rate | 04-30-2014 06:49 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you're feeling bored, find a group photo of four girls on instagram and then comment "you three look great!" Wait and grab popcorn.
←Rate | 05-24-2014 12:31 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  

   messageicon My girlfriend said that I should use the term 'make love' instead of 'f*ck.' What the make love is she talking about?
←Rate | 12-22-2014 10:15 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  

   messageicon Backseat drivers are the worst. They're always like "the light is red!" and "don't text and drive!" and "oh god, I think that was a person!"
←Rate | 01-16-2015 08:31 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hugs that turn into sex? Where do I get those? Mine always turn into "Let me go or I'm calling the police."
←Rate | 04-03-2015 20:22 Comments (0)  

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