Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon There is a big difference between "friend" and "facebook friend"
←Rate | 04-17-2012 21:06 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm thinking of changing my voicemail to the following: "If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me."
←Rate | 11-07-2011 15:02 by JRF121 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I fell asleep with infomercials playing on the TV.... I woke up with a strange desire to do P90X with a Shake Weight while in my Snuggie
←Rate | 11-09-2011 07:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Chess says everything about men and women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
←Rate | 05-26-2012 13:57 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon Facebook is neat because it provides a platform for me to connect with old friends, make new ones, and figure out which one's are completely insane.
←Rate | 12-07-2012 21:43 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon All the people with barbwire tattoos should join together and form a border wall between US and Mexico
←Rate | 02-11-2013 13:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It is spelled, "you're" an idiot....idiot.
←Rate | 03-21-2013 15:40 by Michael Comments (0)  

   messageicon Oh, you brought a laptop with you to Starbucks? You must be so very important.
←Rate | 08-29-2012 22:24 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I didn't drink, how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
←Rate | 06-30-2013 13:55 by Willis Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear person bragging about your awesome vacation.... everyone else wishes you never came back too.
←Rate | 07-10-2013 19:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon On the highway, getting passed by a minivan is the football equivalent to getting tackled by the kicker.
←Rate | 09-09-2012 14:57 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Global Bacon shortage better be the first debate question tonight, and I WANT ANSWERS! No lies....
←Rate | 10-03-2012 18:24 by sully Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do I hate people who ask and answer their own stupid questions? Absolutely
←Rate | 10-06-2012 13:58 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Samsung, please also start selling jeans that can accommodate your smartphones
←Rate | 04-17-2013 04:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My favorite hobby is to add my neighbors' wireless printer to my PC and print a document that says I'M INSIDE YOUR HOUSE AND COMING FOR YOU.
←Rate | 05-09-2013 20:50 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's freezing outside. I hear by declare January Nipple Awareness Month.
←Rate | 01-22-2013 08:42 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  

   messageicon Found out today you cannot join a gym "just to watch".
←Rate | 06-21-2016 04:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kids eat free today? Nice... In that case, I'll have a water and my son will have the steak and shrimp combo with a kids bud light.
←Rate | 07-01-2016 01:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ‎9 out of 10 doctors will agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
←Rate | 01-07-2011 08:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Be Poor... Its Cheaper :)
←Rate | 05-13-2010 15:17 Comments (0)  

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