Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon just ate from an unmarked tupperware container at the back of the fridge. I think it was chicken yogurt.
←Rate | 05-10-2011 23:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tips for Guys on Valentine's Day: Tell your girl you already got somethingn and make her guess. She'll automatically list things she want.
←Rate | 01-28-2013 01:44 by Danmanz Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thankyou for calling Comcast America's #1 Cable Co. My name is Habib Akmed Musaffa Akmed Habib, How may I mis-understand you today?!!!
←Rate | 07-17-2012 14:49 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  

   messageicon No thank you GPS. I have this magic ring on my left hand that connects me to the nice young lady in the passenger's seat who knows everything.
←Rate | 04-24-2013 20:50 by minnie haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon When times are Tough, you know who your Real Friends are. When times are know who your Drinking Friends are!
←Rate | 01-18-2010 16:50 by Vitamin N Comments (0)  

   messageicon if youre gonna be two faced, sweetie, at least make one of them pretty.
←Rate | 09-21-2009 16:07 by Mackie Ahart Comments (0)  

   messageicon Movie characters are always so badass. If they wake up mysteriously in a hospital alone and beaten up, they just rip the IV right out their arm and slip past the nurses. I would at least want to see my chart first, and maybe get some juice.
←Rate | 09-12-2010 14:43 Comments (1)  

   messageicon So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesn't even have to happen at all.
←Rate | 09-13-2010 14:59 by Aaron Comments (16)  

   messageicon thinking that if you have to advertise that you are a princess across your ass, odds are you are probably not
←Rate | 10-19-2010 15:34 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Dear ladies, Not trying to impress you or anything, but I make my own sandwiches.
←Rate | 04-27-2012 12:43 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've learned that no matter how much I try... how much I care... or how much I do...... some people are just @ssholes!
←Rate | 10-18-2011 18:26 by Dani Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't you just hate it when the person you're Facebook-stalking never updates anything.
←Rate | 02-20-2012 21:22 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can't make the same mistake twice. The second time you make it, it's no longer a mistake. It's a choice.
←Rate | 04-19-2011 22:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon looks like Bin Laden's episode of Cribs didn't go that well
←Rate | 05-03-2011 18:04 by levon Comments (0)  

   messageicon going to go a few pages back, copy a status, then re-word it so I appear creative.
←Rate | 05-30-2011 10:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not sayin you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you're thinking.
←Rate | 06-05-2011 17:38 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to a gas station today and asked for $5.00 worth of gas, the clerk farted and gave me a receipt.
←Rate | 04-10-2011 16:59 by Destiiny Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
←Rate | 02-16-2011 11:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
←Rate | 07-16-2011 17:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn't have sex.
←Rate | 02-16-2013 12:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

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