Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Apparently the graphics are so good on the Xbox One, players will be able to see their own social anxiety disorders developing.
←Rate | 05-24-2013 13:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My 6yo thinks it's bullcrap that grown-ups don't get a summer break.
←Rate | 06-03-2013 16:48 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Victoria's Secret engineers. Bubble wrap panties..... make it happen.
←Rate | 12-28-2012 16:53 by Michael Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kurt Cobain would be so disappointed to find out teen spirit now smells like Axe body spray
←Rate | 10-09-2012 16:02 by snotty Comments (1)  

   messageicon If you love someone, set them free. If they come back knocking on your door with two police officers, you'll know that setting them free was a bad idea.
←Rate | 10-10-2012 13:59 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

   messageicon In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
←Rate | 03-10-2014 01:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, I’m pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
←Rate | 03-29-2014 23:23 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's like the women in this bar don't know how close I am to getting my own apartment.
←Rate | 04-24-2014 13:50 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just bought a medical alert bracelet. It says "Probably just sh*tfaced"
←Rate | 05-11-2014 13:56 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Got any drugs or alcohol on you?" "yup, I'm all set. Thanks Officer"
←Rate | 09-21-2013 10:34 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.
←Rate | 09-29-2013 12:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm thinking the woman with 4 kids on leashes at Walmart should probably stop buying her condoms at Walmart.
←Rate | 10-03-2013 09:18 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon So, what are all us fortunate people complaining about today?
←Rate | 12-06-2014 06:44 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  

   messageicon Strip search? Fine but I'm going to need some background music.
←Rate | 02-06-2015 02:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Career goal: Being successful enough to add bacon to my burger without asking how much more it costs.
←Rate | 02-10-2015 15:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't wait until Whole Foods starts selling "Mars Water" for 50 bucks a bottle.
←Rate | 09-30-2015 20:34 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just build the wall on the Mexican side and call it foreign aid.
←Rate | 01-09-2019 04:23 Comments (5)  

   messageicon Hillary is now on reason #549 why she lost the election.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 08:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flicks target teenagers.
←Rate | 07-01-2016 01:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why does it take less than a minute to pay online and more than 10 days for the refund ??
←Rate | 05-09-2011 06:09 by Vivek Comments (0)  

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