Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Be nice to people on your way up so they won't get suspicious when you're rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport
←Rate | 01-10-2014 05:35 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Once you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin....and muffins are healthy. Your welcome.
←Rate | 02-04-2012 08:30 by K-Mac Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not saying all Irish are alcoholics, but Italians, Chinese + Mexicans have restaurants. The Irish only have pubs.
←Rate | 02-07-2012 18:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What was longer.... Kim Kardashian's marriage or theTrick-or-Treat line outside of Casey Anthony's house??
←Rate | 11-01-2011 00:06 by J W Comments (0)  

   messageicon Integrity is knowing that just because you can do something, it doesn't always mean that you should...
←Rate | 12-27-2011 22:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I'll never get to touch.
←Rate | 03-07-2012 13:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never trust a homeless guy selling homemade lemonade, just saying.
←Rate | 04-27-2012 05:56 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon I like how the nice people of Sesame Street all know that Oscar the Grouch lives in that can, and yet they still stuff their trash into it.
←Rate | 04-30-2012 19:53 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon Adele might set fire to rain... But SpongeBob can make a campfire under water.
←Rate | 05-01-2012 08:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Let's all take a moment and be thankful spiders can't fly
←Rate | 05-22-2012 08:49 by sweetlikeantifreeze Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy National hear fireworks all day and night set off by Drunk People you wouldn't trust with a Glo-Stick Day!!!
←Rate | 07-04-2012 14:35 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can't wait til Feb. 15th...otherwise known as 1/2 price chocolate day.
←Rate | 02-10-2013 18:27 by K-Mac Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just imagine for a moment, if you can, a world without hypothetical situations.
←Rate | 04-02-2013 17:46 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon Unless I missed an international news story, the TV show "Finding Bigfoot" should probably be called "Not Finding Bigfoot"
←Rate | 07-16-2013 17:27 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon My bank called because they noticed ‘highly suspicious activity’ on my charge account. It was for a gym membership.
←Rate | 08-23-2013 01:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I say I like to travel, I really just mean I like to get drunk in different places.
←Rate | 09-01-2013 15:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
←Rate | 09-07-2013 07:20 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  

   messageicon There are now 4 sides to every story. Yours, mine, the truth & the Internets version.
←Rate | 08-07-2012 08:52 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why do hospitals need to advertise? It's not like I'm going to go to Home Depot instead.
←Rate | 11-04-2012 23:30 by peter Comments (0)  

   messageicon I only like games where the winner gets their stomach pumped at the hospital
←Rate | 11-12-2012 19:46 by Aaron Comments (0)  

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