Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 124 of 5657

   messageicon I call it a Cupcake Salad. And I don't see how it's any of your business.
←Rate | 07-04-2013 04:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I get my: Cereal from a tiger, Insurance from a gecko, Toilet paper from a bear, Financial advice from a gorilla. It's people I don't trust.
←Rate | 08-20-2013 15:43 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon May need to leave Facebook until after the election so I can maintain respect for some of my family and friends
←Rate | 09-08-2012 07:54 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  

   messageicon Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example: I'm going to the liquor store and I'm afraid it may be closed.
←Rate | 09-18-2012 04:42 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm sorry but if someone busted out of my birthday cake, they better have another cake in their hands because I really like cake.
←Rate | 09-19-2012 21:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't wait until next weekend's episode of the best reality show on tv... So You Think You Can Ref...
←Rate | 09-25-2012 12:06 by JaxWylde Comments (0)  

   messageicon when did the country's concern for money go from Wall Street to Sesame Street?
←Rate | 10-04-2012 04:30 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I mistook the Facebook status box for Google search, and now I don't have to go to family functions any more.
←Rate | 10-19-2012 09:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Cheer Up Hillary Clinton. Nelson Mandela wasn’t elected president, until after serving 27 years in prison.
←Rate | 11-04-2016 05:26 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon mountains aren’t just funny, they are hill areas!!!
←Rate | 11-23-2016 01:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm in a book store and a liberal clerk helped me. I asked for the new Trump book on his immigration policy. She said, "F-you! Get out and stay out! I go, "Yes, that's it, do you have it in paperback?"
←Rate | 01-25-2017 10:08 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just got back from a mile long walk in your shoes and I still think you're a douche bag
←Rate | 07-22-2010 22:14 by status stalker Comments (0)  

   messageicon Vodka is made from potatoes. Which means once upon a time, someone looked a potato and figured out how to drink it, Genius!
←Rate | 04-19-2010 18:47 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I ordered my extra value meal today, the waitress put a leaflet called 'Healthy Eating At McDonald's' into the bag with my food.......That's just what I always wanted, a quarter pounder with lies
←Rate | 04-30-2010 04:15 by BigB Comments (0)  

   messageicon The fact that I can buy a song while on the toilet using my phone means no one is really working on cancer, are they?
←Rate | 04-30-2010 12:59 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon Actual Sign in a bar: "Those drinking to forget please pay in advance."
←Rate | 06-09-2010 17:52 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon No one is listening until you fart.
←Rate | 04-02-2010 13:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon For some reason, my posts don't seem nearly as funny to me once I've sobered up.
←Rate | 12-26-2010 19:24 Comments (4)  

   messageicon likes it when my computer says "Are you sure you wanna continue unprotected?"
←Rate | 12-29-2010 16:34 by Robby Comments (0)  

   messageicon First trick or treater at our house is this 5 year old girl I say "What a great costume Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is one of my favorites" she looks confused and says "I am snooki"
←Rate | 10-31-2010 03:49 Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left