Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I bet Burger King started making their cardboard crowns bigger when they realized their primary audience was drunk college students.
←Rate | 04-19-2010 13:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's amazing how much more money I have when I'm drunk.
←Rate | 04-20-2011 21:48 by Abbybaby34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy Mother's Day to the iPad that's raising your child...
←Rate | 05-10-2015 22:05 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  

   messageicon If we could master the look dogs have when we’re eating in front of them, we’d be able to have sex with any woman at will.
←Rate | 03-05-2014 13:48 Comments (2)  

   messageicon My New Years resolutions are just a list of mixed drinks I haven't tried yet.
←Rate | 12-26-2013 13:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Analysts say Obama's new immigration plan will focus on deporting violent criminals. So, this could impact your fantasy football team.
←Rate | 11-21-2014 14:13 by Mark M Comments (0)  

   messageicon RANDOM FACT: Rihanna's face is 70% forehead.
←Rate | 02-18-2012 12:10 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon Perfect girls are found at every corner of the earth... unfortunately, the earth is round.
←Rate | 04-01-2012 22:11 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon My dream is to become the first smart person to be interviewed by a newscaster live at a scene.
←Rate | 10-10-2012 03:47 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people's heads
←Rate | 01-09-2012 12:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I serve my "fck you's" with a smile. It just has a better effect that way. Don't you think?
←Rate | 02-24-2010 12:22 by Samir Momin Comments (0)  

   messageicon According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful!
←Rate | 10-18-2011 18:25 by Dani Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who else had one of those pens with a million colors, and tried to push all the buttons at once?
←Rate | 06-05-2012 10:51 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Marriage" - Betting someone half your sh!t that you'll love them forever
←Rate | 08-24-2011 20:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love a Thanksgiving turkey... it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.
←Rate | 11-26-2009 08:08 by Danmanz Comments (0)  

   messageicon If someone says "I love you," and you don't feel the same way, say "I love Youtube" really fast.
←Rate | 08-18-2011 11:42 by SuthernFukr Comments (1)  

   messageicon Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags in their house, or is it just me?
←Rate | 08-30-2013 23:08 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon I feel sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night. He hypnotized 7 guys then dropped the mic on his left foot and yelled, "F*ck me." What happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life.
←Rate | 01-28-2012 17:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You're not yourself today... I noticed the improvement immediately!!
←Rate | 10-02-2011 12:47 by Dani Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can't wait 'til I'm old enough to pretend I can't hear.
←Rate | 05-10-2011 16:02 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)  

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