Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The bible say, "thou shalt love thy neighbor" which means, take your password off your wifi!!

   Nobody can tell you who I am or what I am all about. Nobody can describe me or explain me to you. Knowing me is something you will just have to do yourself.

   The mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work unless it's open.

   The voices in my head got mad and stopped speaking to me...now I'm bored

   We all have the power to change one thing a day in our lives...besides underwear.

   Looks like Hugh Hefner's fiance finally got her cataracts removed and called off the wedding realizing she'd have to wake up everyday next to a dude that looks worse than the dead guy on "A Weekend at Bernie's"

   Responsible. Who wants to be responsible? Whenever anything bad happens, it's always "Who's responsible for this?"

   I wish I had a fly swatter with me, when I sit next to people who dont cover their mouth when they yawn or cough.

   how can Facebook ask “whats on my mind” then have a limit on how long your status can be ?

   wHeN yOu TyPe LiKe ThIs It GiVeS mE a HeAdAcHe AnD iT tAkEs TwIcE aS lOnG tO tYpE AnD I WaNt To ClAmP yOuR fAcE iN a GeOrGe FoReMaN gRiLl ...

   Dear Lean Cuisine, Your microwave lunches are small. My body does not get 35MPG like most people. I get more like 12MPG with a strong tail wind. Please help. Love, Me

   Arachnoleptic Fit: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

   That moment when you realize you hit "reply all"

   It's official I've finally been over notified.

   The worst part of telling your friend you got laid off is probably when they try to high five you at the "laid" part.

   you want a good idea for "Survivor" ? How about Suvivor: Compton.

   I have no covid-19 symptoms, which from what I hear, is a symptom of covid-19

   It's ironic how those who bemoan being judged by their color are now the one's judging folks by their color. 1 |

   Socialist: A person who wants everything you have except your job.

   Heterosexual Pride Day: It's great to see heterosexual people no longer have to live in fear because of who they're attracted to.