Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon IKEA founder Ingvar Kamprad died. He was 91. Funeral will be held as soon as we figure out how to put his coffin together.
←Rate | 01-28-2018 09:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook needs to make a "Slap you in the face with a dictionary" button
←Rate | 02-16-2018 04:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon NBA All Star Game: Fergie sang that National Anthem so bad, Collin Kaepernick stood up and told her not to disrespect the Anthem like that.
←Rate | 02-18-2018 21:46 by JW Comments (0)  


   messageicon This dentist just told me I need a crown, and it's a relief to finally start getting some recognition around here.
←Rate | 03-08-2018 22:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it my illegal logging operation is a success.
←Rate | 03-29-2018 14:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon At this point, the only guy on the internet that I trust with my personal data is that Nigerian Prince.
←Rate | 04-13-2018 07:55 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Crayons are a lot like M & M's, all the colors taste the same.
←Rate | 07-20-2020 16:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've heard a lot about Karen lately but what about Felicia. Did she finally leave?
←Rate | 07-30-2020 11:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never thought I’d reach a point in my life where my hands have consumed more alcohol than my mouth.
←Rate | 08-17-2020 15:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember, after the police have been defunded and you have to shoot intruders, call 811 before you dig. It's the law.
←Rate | 09-10-2020 08:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some of you never rooted for Godzilla and it shows.
←Rate | 09-14-2020 15:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That time hackers stole my nudes and returned them.
←Rate | 09-17-2020 15:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mean Girls 2020: “Gross, isn’t that the mask you wore yesterday?”
←Rate | 09-25-2020 09:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've decided to buy a Dallas Cowboys Covid mask. That way I know I won't catch anything.
←Rate | 12-09-2020 10:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone told Beethoven he would never be a composer because he was deaf. But did he listen?
←Rate | 03-16-2021 12:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Website: We use cookies to improve performance. Me: Same
←Rate | 10-18-2019 06:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dove chocolate tastes way better than their soap.
←Rate | 12-03-2019 15:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Uber driver is acting weird. He is wearing a mask and making me ride in the trunk. 1 star.
←Rate | 02-04-2020 10:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My neighbors hate me because I still haven't taken my Groundhog Day decorations down.
←Rate | 02-08-2020 08:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Which fast food place has the softest napkins? Asking for a friend.
←Rate | 03-20-2020 13:36 Comments (0)  




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