Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 120 of 5850

   messageicon I'm sick of the cold. I'm ready to complain about it being too hot.
←Rate | 04-20-2011 12:51 by @JimGaffigan Comments (0)  

   messageicon Be happy in front of people who don't like you, it kills them
←Rate | 06-08-2011 17:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Idea: October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.. instead of posting your color bra, why not take a pic of your boobs, post them and say "Save These!" . .why beat around the bush? (or bare floor)
←Rate | 10-06-2011 14:38 by Jay Son Comments (0)  

   messageicon I always go the extra mile. The restraining order says I have to.
←Rate | 06-06-2012 12:41 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  

   messageicon My biggest fear this Sunday is to open my front door and see a kid who I don't know wish me a happy fathers day.
←Rate | 06-15-2012 15:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thanks ABC News, if it wasn't for your extensive news coverage, I wouldn't have known that it gets hot outside in the middle of July. 
←Rate | 07-08-2012 13:10 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you know I'm I the car and you continue to text me, you basically want me dead...
←Rate | 02-13-2012 11:31 by CzyRd Comments (0)  

   messageicon Motivation= get on treadmill naked in front of mirror
←Rate | 02-26-2012 11:20 by zandra Comments (0)  

   messageicon Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends.
←Rate | 03-27-2012 21:55 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon When the cable goes out, I like to sit down and do some writing. ...Usually a check to the cable company.
←Rate | 12-07-2010 12:52 by @Jimboleem Comments (0)  

   messageicon Vodka is made from potatoes. Which means once upon a time, someone looked a potato and figured out how to drink it, Genius!
←Rate | 04-19-2010 18:47 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon The fact that I can buy a song while on the toilet using my phone means no one is really working on cancer, are they?
←Rate | 04-30-2010 12:59 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it
←Rate | 01-11-2010 02:39 by Rachael Comments (0)  

   messageicon believes NASA could help erase some of the national debt by charging to take people up in the shuttle that need to discover the world doesn't revolve around them.
←Rate | 01-27-2010 12:13 by dcarver Comments (0)  

   messageicon wishing everyone a happy holiday. If your not sure what holiday it is just google March 14th.
←Rate | 03-13-2010 22:28 by Brian Comments (0)  

   messageicon it's not death I's what they'll find on my computer when I go!!
←Rate | 03-16-2010 09:49 by Shane Comments (0)  

   messageicon There is a chalk outline being drawn around common sense, and most people cannot even identify the victim
←Rate | 03-26-2010 14:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When two meth addicts go out, is it considered speed dating?
←Rate | 09-13-2010 14:32 by jdpower Comments (3)  

   messageicon you never realize how annoying people are until you add them on facebook :)
←Rate | 10-14-2010 22:25 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you can read this, chances are you won't be recieving a gift from me this Christmas. Happy Holidays!
←Rate | 12-15-2010 07:45 Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left