Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I like superheroes but I'd rather hang out with the villains.
←Rate | 02-13-2013 13:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is 1 mosquito in my apartment. I have 50 bullets. Let's dance.
←Rate | 02-21-2013 04:22 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon What’s the difference between a Pick Pocketer and a Peeping Tom…..A Pick Pocketer snatches watches
←Rate | 02-26-2013 10:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most women don't notice the things we do for them until we stop doing them.
←Rate | 03-08-2013 14:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's nothing worse than not getting the right amount of love from strangers on the internet.
←Rate | 03-21-2013 18:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My relationship status just changed to sweatpants oreos and netflix!
←Rate | 04-02-2013 01:44 by CJ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need to see a shrink to discuss my Shamrock Shake abandonment issues...
←Rate | 04-05-2013 13:40 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Went to a costume party dressed as a chicken. Ment a girl dressed as an egg. We spent the night at my place. And I found out the answer to that old question. It was the chicken.
←Rate | 06-26-2018 15:31 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon We celebrate the 4th of July because citizens were armed.
←Rate | 07-04-2018 16:09 Comments (2)  


   messageicon There's a big difference between a mechanic and a surgeon when they work on a tranny.
←Rate | 08-08-2018 13:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most people write congrats because they don't know the spelling of congrajulashions
←Rate | 09-13-2018 13:45 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Do soccer players actually pay for those hair cuts or do they just find the first drunk guy with a weed eater and insult his mother?
←Rate | 06-26-2016 23:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I still think Richard Gere overpaid for Julia Roberts.
←Rate | 07-09-2016 05:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Legend says when you can't sleep it's because you are awake in someone else's dreams....when I find out who you are I'm going to punch you right in the face.
←Rate | 07-17-2016 04:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I now consider sitting in a quiet car as a good night out.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 22:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Miss the 1980's, when you could hide an alien in your room for 3 days before Mom found out and five kids on bikes could outsmart the police.
←Rate | 08-03-2016 05:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going paperless at home but it's presenting a real problem in the bathroom.
←Rate | 08-12-2016 19:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey,, Has anyone tried giving ISIS a snickers bar?
←Rate | 08-21-2016 22:00 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.
←Rate | 09-28-2016 20:06 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon "According to the latest poll, 80 percent of the people polled are sick and tired of hearing about the latest polls."
←Rate | 10-15-2016 05:40 Comments (0)  




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