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One day all of your earthly possessions will be destroyed ... that day comes when your child turns 2
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01-10-2018 18:01
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Dave came into the bar last night visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much, quit counting them
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02-10-2018 08:13 by
MDS
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It is in everyone’s best interest to just keep scrolling
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03-13-2018 02:57
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Mark Zuckerberg is probably the last person we should trust, and I mean that both literally and alphabetically
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04-11-2018 09:36
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That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn't get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn't brushed her teeth in forever
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04-13-2018 05:08
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Spice things up in the bedroom by loosening the ceiling fan.
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04-20-2018 01:28
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In my defense, my wife's text asking me to "drop a load in the washing machine" was confusing.
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04-23-2018 12:09
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Finally found my wife's G spot....... Her sister had it all along.
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05-14-2018 14:39 by
Jake
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Seriously contemplating remarrying my ex wife, but I'm pretty sure she'll figure out that I'm just after my money.
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05-19-2018 08:24
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Will Starbucks become a homeless shelter with their new store policy?
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05-24-2018 03:21
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Me: I hate seeing you like this. Coworker: Like how? Me: In person
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06-05-2018 02:32
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I might get a job cleaning mirrors,its a job I can see myself doing.
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07-29-2018 20:45
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Teach your children and you won't have to raise your grandchildren.
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08-10-2018 16:31
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With the ban on straws what's left to grasp?
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08-17-2018 10:04
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Let's proudly wave our American flags made in China this weekend.
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07-01-2016 16:23
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Breaking News: Viagra shippment stolen... Cops are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.
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04-14-2017 12:51
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Me: Do you want to have the best sex of your life tonight? Her: No. Me: Then I'm your guy!
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06-03-2017 20:33
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It isn't a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I'm fine by the way.
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06-12-2017 10:29 by
Zumba Di
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The first thing a man looks at in a woman is her heart. The fact that her boobs are in front of it is not men's fault.
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07-10-2017 19:55
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Babies are participation trophies for men.
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08-05-2017 11:25 by
Kisstopher707
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