Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's...That's because she changes it more often.

   superbowl-- the only time I actually look forward to watchin commericals.. .

   stuck between a rock and someone I want to hit with it.

   Just once I'd like a bride to walk down the aisle to "The Imperial March" in place of "Here Comes the Bride".

   I think gang violence would drop dramatically if gangs behaved more like those in West Side Story.

   Please don't tell my three year old his oversized black calculator isn't really an iPad. He'd be crushed to learn his dad lied to him.

   FACEBOOK: HELPING OVERTHROW GOVERNMENTS SINCE 2011

   Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?

   Life was so much easier when your clothes didn't have to match and boys had cooties.!!!!

   What if love was like volleyball... all you have to do is call 'MINE!' and everyone else backs off...

   If you happen to see a bunny laying brown eggs, do not eat them. ITS NOT CHOCOLATE!!!! HAPPY EASTER!!!!

   The only rabbit I want coming to my house is Jessica.

   It's hard to be naked and baked without wondering why the two words don't rhyme."

   I hate it when I'm drinking and somebody tries to correct my Vodkabulary.

   Jenna Jameson was arrested for a DUI which means she can now add the breathalyzer to the long list of things she's blown.

   Charles Barkley's head looks like an Angry Bird.

   Nothing says “Good Morning… I Love You!” like morning sex.

   You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn't stolen.

   People who create their own drama, deserve their own karma

   This is a plea for help; can we please make commercials and tv shows the same volume again?