Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The FBI warnings before movies on DVD still refer to videotapes. So basically, even the people who are paid to make sure this is on every DVD, don't read it either

   I'm proud of the fact that 87% of my day is just me making faces at my coworker while his back is turned.

   Wikipedia has its own wikipedia page. Can you say redundant? If you have to wikipedia wikipedia, you have no buisness being on wikipedia.

   It saddens me to think there are people in the world who don't pretend to paddle a canoe while on the moving walkways in airports.

   you know the economy is bad when you walk by a can on the ground and think: dammit I should've picked that up!

   "Treat others the way you want to be treated" is bullsh*t. All it's ever gotten me is a restraining order.

   WEDDING: Point at which a male's opinions become utterly worthless.

   should not be used by women who are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant.

   How the hell did Charles Manson get like 16 people to murder for him? I can't even get two kids to brush their teeth.

   ■Unlike drugs, Facebook addiction won't cost you anything, except your social life

   Genius - The ability to produce fantastic amounts of equally fantastic bullsh*t that all makes perfect sense

   Its all fun and games until the k9 unit shows up and tell you to pop open the trunk. I wish I was never born

   YOU'RE just another brick in the Facebook wall!

   "You know you've been tagged in a photo on Facebook when there you've got more than 17 Notifications from people you don't know commenting on a photo of you.

   Instead of all this nonsence with an hour here or there or mess around with the whole leap years crap. We should accumulate the time for an extra day on the weekend!.

   A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers

   There's only one thing wrong with wife swapping. You get another wife.

   I'm not a tease. I just sobered up thats all.

   If you think I'm crazy now, try me either WITH alcohol or WITHOUT sedatives

   These leftovers are gonna taste great in 3 hours.