life Funny Status Messages

   Today is the 2nd day of the rest of your life. Sorry yesterday was the 1st day. Didn't you get the memo?

   At 37 years old today I think aim in the "Rocky V" stage of my life. #shouldastoppedafterDrago

   Sorry little boy who came to my door trying to make a better life for yourself, but I will not buy that 7$ candy bar from you when I can get the same candy bar for a buck at the store.

   "Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge."

   why do we close our eyes when we pray? when we cry? when we dream? when we kiss? cuz we know that most beautiful things in life are not seen, but felt by the heart.

   Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for life.... Give an octopus nunchuks,,, and no one's eating fish ever again.

   life's a b!tch, then you marry one.

   I told my wife when I said I liked it rough I didn't mean my whole life.

   If you go through life without giving a "F" then you are only living a Li[ ]e.

   Life is what you make it! Be careful what ingredients you add!

   If I'm ever on life support, pull the plug and plug it back in. See if that works.

   My life is like an 80s movie. Bad acting, some drug abuse, but a great soundtrack.

   I live my life without regrets, except for that one time I said "I do."

   Watching Nightmare Before Christmas with a nice mug of wine and a bag of Doritos. This is the post-graduate life.

   In this hyper PC country we live in, shouldn't murderers be called "Post-life experience Faciliters"

   Just got a booty call from life, apparently it still wants to keep fu$king me.

   I ruined somebodys life today... They stole my identity.

   Sleep + social life = Bad grades. Good grades + sleep = No social life. Good grades + social life = No sleep.

   One of my favorite hobbies before Facebook was having a life.

   When life hands you high fructose corn syrup, citric acid, ascorbic acid, maltodextrin, sodium acid pyrophosphate, magnesium oxide, calcium fumarate, yellow 5, tocopherol, and less than 3% natural flavours.........make lemonade.