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I'm about to rewrite history. History.
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09-21-2011 21:03
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Being funny on Facebook at 2 a.m. is like seeing a UFO... no one gets to see it or believes you.
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10-03-2011 12:42 by
Marshall the Great
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You Need To Realize if you take Facebook seriously. People won't take you seriously.
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10-07-2011 09:08
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Study: The act of eating, browsing the net, and listening to music with an open text book near by.
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10-12-2011 19:14 by
g0re
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The cheaper the phone, the harder it is to break.
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10-12-2011 19:41 by
g0re
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A 4 year old black boy was brutally beaten by his father. Where's your outrage black community??
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09-17-2014 10:45
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Please forgive me, I got excited copying and pasting your status that I forgot to like it.
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06-23-2013 02:15
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Whenever I'm introduced to an old person I mentally add “osaurus” to their name.
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09-28-2011 18:00 by
Aaron
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✓ Saddam Hussein, ✓ Osama Bin Laden, ☐ Justin Bieber
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05-02-2011 00:58
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10 years. Trillions of dollars. Thousands of soldiers dead. State of the art technology. The US finally found Bin Laden - In his house.
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05-03-2011 04:58 by
@clarkysj
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What do you get when you cross PMS with a GPS? A bi*ch who will track you down
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01-27-2010 13:25
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Obesity doesn't run in your family - NO ONE runs in your family!!!
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01-24-2011 23:04 by
DAYAM
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Any man that believes women are "the weaker sex" has never tried to reclaim his half of the blankets on a cold winter's night.
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01-17-2012 22:29
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Richardmooney26 Sucks! ...and that's all I'm going to say.
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04-09-2012 17:57 by
I poop on you
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Ok, Time to play word scrabble. "PNEIS"! Did you get spine? Like hell you did, you pervert
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10-28-2011 16:56 by
Muzammil
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I wish I could type my mood into my iPod and it would make a playlist for me.
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11-09-2011 21:01 by
g0re
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If I were any more hungry right now, Brad and Angelina would adopt me
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11-14-2011 09:55 by
@shaunpatrick01
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I put a bumper sticker on the back of my car that said "Honk if you have a small Pe nis" then intentionally cut everyone off in traffic.
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10-04-2012 07:10 by
MWC
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As I get older, I've learned to relax and not stress over trivial matters. Just kidding, I'm drunk.
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07-23-2013 22:22
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My new nickname at work should be "Laxative" cause I make sh*t happen.
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06-02-2013 10:41
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