friday OR weekend Funny Status Messages

   Anderson Cooper must have seen 'Magic Mike' this weekend.

   I'm sorry, I'll be busy this weekend walking around my house with mini alcohol bottles and fun size candy bars pretending I'm a giant.

   OK now I feel bad.... just saw muted footage of rioting in Egypt...and thought it was file footage of Black friday in the Wal Mart parking lot......

   Anything that requires my presence before 4 pm on a weekend is an obligation, not recreation...

   It's Friday night... So many innocent beers have no idea what's coming for 'em.

   If you don't feel just a little bit of shame after the weekend... you're not doing it right.

   I see the grade schoolers are here for the long weekend with the childish "jokes"

   I have seen so many Smart cars this holiday weekend with out of state plates, I'm assuming there's a clown convention somewhere nearby.

   says Happy Friday @ 5:00 pm! If an ice cold, tall, 22 ounce Miller Lite is wrong, I dont wanna be right...

   I saved $983.54 on Black Friday. I stayed home watched TV and didn't shop.

   Done! Just completed my weekend to-do list from 2007.

   Man claims his body only fights viruses on Saturdays and Sundays. His doctors say he has a weekend immune system.

   Make sure to use the extra hour this weekend not changing anyone's mind about the election on Facebook.

   I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct answers.

   Ferguson is going to kick off their black Friday shopping events with the Darren Wilson verdict.

   I gave my wife a gluestick instead of chapstick last weekend and she's still not talking to me.

   Black Friday? Don't they already get February?

   It's Thursday, which is "Friday Eve" in Optimisian.

   Black Friday: Where one day after giving thanks for what we have, we trample each other to buy what we don't.

   According to Facebook, some people I don't remember are grilling this weekend.