santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I wonder what would happen if I burn the tip of this branch on my Christmas tree? WHOOOOFFF

   The Day After Christmas Diet: Breakfast: Leftover lasagne Lunch: Leftover lasagne Dinner: Leftover lasagne Dessert: Leftover lasagne Beverage: Pureed leftover lasagne

   There are 361 days until Christmas and people already have their lights up. This is getting ridiculous.

   ..has Claustrophobia. She's afraid of Santa Clause.

   What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.

   In the summer it was to hot outside now it's to cold outside to take the Christmas lights down.

   We went to buy a Christmas tree last night. It's supposed to be fun, right? At the end of the night I was so crazy I put the tree in the backseat of the car and strapped my kid to the roof.

   Just for the record: If your single and planning on asking me out this close to Christmas the only thing you'll be getting from me is a book, which will be do back at the libary just after the new years.

   Since going green, Santa has stopped using coal and now fills the stockings of kids on the naughty list with windmills.

   worried that Santa won't bring any gifts for dirty minded people. I'm screwed. Haha, screwed.

   This is the last week you can threaten to cancel Christmas if your kids don’t do what you say; use it wisely.

   I don't care what we have for Christmas dinner as long as it's lasagna.

   Nothing says Christmas in the South like cranking up the air conditioner while waiting for the tornado warning. . .

   Will work for salary and benefits with an annual cost of living increase but not on weekends, statutory holidays, or during 3-week vacation.

   Tasers, but for people who listen to Christmas music in October. Or talk before noon.

   I was going to buy Christmas gifts from my lottery winnings, I was close I had one number, I guess you'll have to wait till next year!

   I'm dreaming of a white christmas.. but not listen to bing crosby and then go out and and walk around singing to strangers white.

   See how everyone forgot... The comet that will be here on December 25th, is just one of Santa's Reindeers

   wishes Santa would stop allowing bullying at the North Pole. Stop allowing the laughing at others and name calling.

   People who buy real Christmas Trees the day after Thanksgiving need some serious help...And if you have your tree up already...You should probably seek medical attention..