life Funny Status Messages

   I just bought a television! It's amazing the price difference between a 47 inch T.V. and a 50 inch T.V. is a couple hundred dollars! In real life for an extra 3 inches I would pay thousands!!!

   "The best things in life are me." - Narcissists.

   Remember when you were 12 and were like "I can't wait to be older" and now you're older and your like "I hate my life, I want to cry everyday." LOL. Good times.

   When writing the story of your life don't let everyone hold your pen...

   Love means nothing in tennis, but it's everything in life

   Since it is actually impossible to know which part of my life is the middle, I've decided to have a on-going crisis.

   Don't worry. There will be a time in your life, too, when the phrase "Get up and go" takes on a whole new meaning....

   In hindsight life was better when we could only take 12, 24 or 36 pictures at a time and we paid to print them. Even if doubles WERE free.

   Let's be real, most people who signed up for Facebook didn't have a social life to begin with so staying at home should be easy.

   True love means being with someone want to see you get ahead in life by waiting until February 15th to get their flowers in candy at 50% off.

   Listen here, Life isn't measured by how many likes we get, but rather the moments that take our likes away

   There's something about the way you could ruin my entire life that makes me want you. - WOMEN

   wouldnt life be prefect if sweatpants were sexy, mondays were fun, junk food didnt make you fat, girls didnt cause so much drama, guys werent so confusing, and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow

   To the two former Facebook "Friends" who just un-friended me: It was the status about throwing kittens in the lake right? They all had life jackets on..... They are safe & now drying in my microwave.

   I have found that the best stress reliever in life is not giving a crap.

   Me: Wow everything seems right for once. Life: Hold on let me f*ck it up.

   The number one rule in life "stay in your own lane "and there won't be any accidents.

   I called a company and heard "Don't fear the Reaper" while I was on hold. At first it seemed cool, but do I really want Life Insurance from a company that plays that?!?! ;-)

   Have you ever looked at other people and think to yourself "I'm just better than you"......welcome to my life

   Newly Married Husband Saved His Wife's Number On Cell As, "MY LIFE"... After 1 Year: "MY WIFE" After 5 Years: "HOME" After 10 Years: "HITLER" & ...After 25TH Anniversary: "Wrong Number"...:D