life Funny Status Messages

   Troubles keep me interested in my life :)

   our life should be like a COMPUTER so we can maintain it by keeping only useful files n delete or format the corrupted files

   There are certain things in life that are a waste of time and energy. That's why I don't hold in my farts

   Coffee isn't a matter of life or death; it's a lot more important than that.

   Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like an ongoing series of slaps in the face with a sweaty sock.

   Water is life; without it we wouldn’t have coffee, whiskey or beer.

   Don't worry about being alone on Valentine's Day. Worry about being alone the rest of your life.

   Me: Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone. I hear you call my name and it feels like home. Priest: I don't believe that is an actual prayer... Me: No, but it's like a prayer.

   The two best days of my life was when I got engaged and the day we broke it off. . .

   My wife had me take out more life insurance and now there's no grip left on the bath mat. Weird?!?!

   I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn

   My optic nerve crossed with my a$$hole, and gave me a sh*tty outlook on life.

   They say drinking a beer and smoking a cigarette takes 6 minutes off your life. By my calculations I died in 1985...... Cheers!!

   LIFE IS LIKE A BOWL OF SOUP..... YOU ONLY GET BLOWN IF YOU'RE HOT!

   I still remember that moment I said I love you too, coz thats the exact moment my life got fuçked up!

   If I ever swallow something potentially life-threatening and I need to induce vomiting, I hope you're around to make it easier.

   I'm thinking of dropping the whole "I'm from the street/thug life" persona.

   "The Hangover Part 3" starring Prince Harry is now playing out in real life. Also you can now say every Ruler ISN'T 12 Inches LONG.

   If I win Power Ball tonight....I'll spend the rest of my life in my whitie tighties judging people on the internet. So basically same thing just $550 million richer.

   Would Like To Know Where He Can Purchase A GPS For His Life Journey, I Made A Wrong Turn And Can't Get Back On The Damn Highway!