life Funny Status Messages

   I've given my couch the best years of my life

   Life is like a sports car: It goes too fast, and it costs too much.

   . Life is like a can of beans. It lets out a toot every so often and is worth a good laugh!

   Won't go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for "spider life span" reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.

   Fortune Cookie: "Your life will be happy and peaceful." Dear Cookie: What drugs are you on? We should share.

   I need a girlfriend because I like people in my life who can remember stuff.

   Some people suffered in their youth which helped them succeed later in life. For example, if Bill Gates had gotten l@id in high school, there would have been no Microsoft.

   Sometimes I wish my life was more like a comedy and less like a drama

   ...I guess that sometimes it takes a dominatrix in your living room to make you sit there and think 'What the hell am I doing with my life?'...

   had a handle on life but it broke

   Life gave you lemons because you stood around with your hands out waiting for someone to give you something. Pick your own goddamn fruit.

   Beauty of Vodka:It looks lik Water!! Beauty of School:Water Bottles are Allowed Irony of Life:We didn't Realize This During Our School Days.

   Here's to a long life and a merry one. A quick death and an easy one. A pretty girl and an honest one. A cold beer and another one. #Happy St. Pattys Day

   Why do I knowingly pick the bad choices in life. I know I'm going to pay for it in the end but it sure looks like its going to be fun in the mean time

   Never say “that won't happen to me!”, because life has a funny way of proving us wrong.

   Everyone in life has a purpose, even if it's to serve as a bad example

   I don't know about you but I'm that guy who will strike up a conversation with you while waiting in a long line.Tell a joke to all the people standing there to change their day and mine also. I enjoy people..... and life is too short!

   The best moves in life are made in silence. Don't talk about it. Just do it and let them talk about it. Failure talks. Success walks.

   "I looooove him, I caaaaan't live without him, he is my life" No you don't, your 23, and you met him 6 days ago. Take your damn dramatic a$$ off FB somewhere else.

   I'd rather live my life knowing and accepting that I'm not perfect, rather than spend my whole life pretending to be perfect.