Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   Some of you I'd like to take under my wing like a mother hen. Others of you I'd like to trap between my thighs like the Cougar that I am.

   "FREEZE! NOBODY MOVE!" - Mother Nature

   An Amber Alert has been issued for a tall, African American 26 yr. old who goes by the name of LeBron James. He keeps disappearing for the 4th quarter of the NBA Final games. If seen, please call his mother, Gloria, or her boyfriend, Delonte.

   In Mother Russia, we don't shoot for the stars, the stars shoot for us

   I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enoug

   ...today's the day we mother's get some relief from the curse OUR mother's handed down when they told us "one day you'll have a kid JUST LIKE YOU!!" Have a great MOM'S DAY everyone!! =D

   When we were kids, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on our foreheads.

   My mother always told me to never quit something I'm good at. So here is to her for making me realize that i'm good at being drunk!

   a single father of about 4 million kids swimming around fighting to make it to their mother's egg

   Hey status messages auto correct, stop tampering with my swear words, you mother forklift.

   NEWS FLASH: The mother who injected her 8 year old daughter with Botox looses custody... *The child didn't look surprised.

   If I'm old enough to be your mother we can't date. Just kidding. Go ask for your allowance and buy me a drink.

   2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout "air in the hands mother stickers this is a f*ck up"

   Dear Mother Nature, hey, thanks [sneezes] for choosing POLLEN for plant reproduction....no, really[sneezes]....the stuff is great.....

   Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men Eve could have married, and she didn't have to hear about how well Adam’s mother cooked.

   Happy Mother's Day! Mom's are the REAL MVP.

   Just found a scary-looking Pokemon on my living room sofa, but then I realized it was my mother-in-law.

   Kid, “Did you feel that? Was that an earthquake?” Husband, “No it was just your mother coming down the stairs.” And that, folks, is how to end a marriage in 10 words or less.

   there a deadbeat son-in-law of all bombs somewhere complaining about his mother-in-law of all bombs?

   The Mother Of All storms (Frankenstorm) is heading toward New York City... Trump better get out the hairspray.