Funny Status Messages

   Bigfoot saw me yesterday but no one believes him!

   Just gave my next door neighbor a giant bag of candy to dump in my sons trick or treat bucket on Halloween so I can go home after one house.

   If there's enough room to spell 'bootylicious' on the back of your shorts, it probably isn't.

   I'm at my most walk of shame when I'm wearing sweatpants heading back to the buffet for the third time.

   One of the hazards of sheep farming must be trying to stay awake while taking inventory.

   Germans are going to be hit with large fines if they invade someone else's space! 80 years too late if you ask me?

   Imagine surviving Covid19 then China releases Covid19S Plus Pro

   I just put a bra on for the first time in a week and nearly dislocated my shoulder.

   I’d exercise more often if running didn’t spill the whiskey in my glass.

   Man it's already half way through the year. Time flies when the world is falling apart.

   So this smoke detector is trying to tell me the battery is so dangerously low that it can only beep 4000 times?

   How do dragons blow out candles on their birthday cake?

   There are more than 7 billion people on the planet. Can we finally stop calling it the miracle of birth?

   I just want to point out that I am an Amazon Prime member so it's about time you guys started treating me with a little respect.

   I just received a letter from my crush on Valentine's Day. Well, technically it's a restraining order, but still....

   If life was a YouTube video, Monday would be that annoying ad that doesn't have the "You can skip in 5 seconds" option.

   I married a nymphomaniac. Now after 5 years of marriage, the nympho is gone. And I'm left with the maniac.

   it just me, or is anyone else finding it difficult to log on to dyslexics.moc?

   Spent the last twenty minutes trying to get my sideburns even and now I'm sporting a Mohawk!

   How long do you have to be ignorant before you start experiencing bliss ?