Funny Status Messages

   Hey, I have an idea. Instead of complaining about your auto-correct every day, how about going into your settings & turning it off?

   The key to a long and good relationship is to keep the fights clean, and the sex dirty!!!

   I sleep less, I'm tired. I sleep more, I'm tired. Life is impossible.

   For all of those that think alcohol is a problem... according to Chemistry: Alcohol is a solution. Thanks science!

   You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

   on dec 21st all the power companies should shut off the power for 10 minutes just to make people flip out

   Actually saw two young people talking today. Parents must have grounded them from their phones.

   Don't get out of bed, it's a trap.

   Whenever I get called into my boss's office, my entire Facebook career flashes before my eyes.

   I wish there was a "roll my eyes" button on Facebook.

   Oh for god sake, just fall in love with me already so I can stop acting normal.

   Trust me, as you get to know me, I just get weirder.

   Men who don't understand why their woman is mad at them need to realize the woman doesn't know why either.

   Whenever I read: "do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "they don't mean ME."

   Relying on the government to protect your privacy is like asking a peeping tom to install your window blinds.

   Katy Perry: Blue hair. Nicki Minaj: Pink hair. Rihanna: Red hair. Lady Gaga: Green hair. OMG, the POWER RANGERS are back

   Sharing vigil photos on FB does not solve anything, better values, spending time with your kids and raising them right does.

   Relationships should come with an icon that shows you how much time you have left like your phone’s battery.

   Why would I ever pay to go to a NASCAR event when I could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free?

   Does anybody know how can I send an enemy request on Facebook?