Funny Status Messages

   Anyone going to vegas? Put money on the Prison Football team to win it all!

   Sorry I pissed on your leg. I thought you were flirting with me.

   Making breakfast in bed for sleeping booty

   Hwy renters get up and do something to make a difference then! Your rants aren't enough!!!

   I cant wait till I am old and I go up to my grandkids and be like. Did you know that back in my day Eevee only had three evolutions. And they be like, Shut uo grandpa no one plays Pokemon anymore..

   Since ios7, Everytime I unlock my phone, I see the Breaking Bad theme and have to do the BAow... Bow Bow Bow.. in my head.

   Do you know why you’re pressing unlike button that many every day; because, most of time, people are talking and thinking of their own interests.

   I'm not doing it wrong; I'm doing it my way.

   Did that Australian man say Meteorite or mate are you alright

   if anyone is still shopping for Christmas gifts, this week is "procrastinator's week"

   Cutler pulled a Romo... or was it a Cutler... idk anymore.

   can anyone tell me why the crimson tide sucks?

   All I wanted for Christmas was to get promoted out of the friend zone.

   Polar vortex proof Mother nature is not having a gender identity crisis. In everyday terms that's cold hearted.

   I am recruiting for valentine's. I want my love to be crazy and beautiful. I want my love to be passionate and heart-wrenching and unpredictable. Boring need not apply.

   A Facebook s tatus update so confusing you turn your radio down to read it.

   "Im not sure if I actually have some free time on my hands, or if I'm just forgetting to come up with a really good posst?

   after this status is written there will be 116 characters left, just sitting there not being used. Be a shame to waste them. Who wants em?

   This year I'm getting my Valentine a new phone case. I know it doesn't sound very romantic, but my Valentine is my phone.

   I think the Shriley Temple/Judy Garland status was a joke. The guy says oh.......AS#WIPE