Funny Status Messages

   You just join FB 10 minutes ago and I'm the first person you send a friend request to when I don't even know you. STALKER ALERT NOW ON!

   Boy, the "Chiller" channel has dropped the ball this afternoon. It's showing a movie titled "Midnight Movie" where a deranged killer stalks movie patrons.

   it's so hot, my balls are now best friends with my knees...

   I wonder if the Ethiopian Blend Coffee I just bought is fat free?

   Just got an X-ray at the hospital and tried to crack on to the chick doing it........she could see right through me though :(

   I hate when couples say "we're expecting a baby" ... like you're not expecting an alien to rip out of your tummy? Oh okay, thought it was either one or the other.

   I think they should move the movie "2012" from the Science Fiction section to the Comedy Section.. It is already 21st of December in Australia and nothing happened.

   this is the stat that never ends it goes on and on my friends someone started reading it not knowing what it was and they'll continue reading it forever just because

   Super excited that bicycle seat sniffing season is already here!

   Maybe Sandusky should've faked his death like Joe Pa to get out of trouble

   "This town ain't big enough for the two of us." said someone who was terrible at both english and geography......

   When is a man the smartest? When he's having sex; Why? Because he's plugged into the know it all machine.

   When you wake up before you're alarm and when it goes off it scares the sh** out of you

   When I am in an extra big hurry I take a "Doc Bath" and rub each nipple with a wet Certs.

   They took my happy meal.... I took their happiness.

   Who said money can't buy class ? And also a trident large enough to poke the Red Devils royally in their own back yard....Gory Gory Man United.

   Hmm, I should throw a party with fake alcohol and see how many people act wasted.

   Two Way Monologue - The normal in any relationship

   you can pick your nose, you can pick your friends nose, but you can't wipe your friend on the couch..

   The nap I just took should sell T-shirts.