santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   note to self for next Christmas..... don't leave deer jerky out for Santa - cookies are a better choice...

   Dear radio stations. I appreciate that you waited until after Thanksgiving to start in with the Christmas music... but could you tone it down a little bit? You're gonna kill it for me if it goes on like this for a month. Thank you

   CNN & MSNBC reporting this morning that 'Un-named sources claim Covid-19 concocted by Trump in his White House bunker using son Barron's chemistry set he got for Christmas'

   the best times to have a breakup...christmas, valentines and her birthday

   Everybody’s saying Merry Christmas to their friends and family, so here’s a Merry Christmas to all the strangers and enemies no one ever says Merry Christmas to!

   The Day After Christmas Menu: Breakfast: Leftover lasagna. Lunch: Leftover lasagna. Dinner: Leftover lasagna. Dessert: Leftover lasagna. Beverage: Lasagna shake.

   If you got a big screen TV for Christmas be sure to put the empty box with your neighbor's trash. That way, their house will get robbed and not yours.

   I had a dream about a planet run by orphans who sing a song filled with unintelligible lyrics and had authority figures with voices that blared like brass. Then I woke up and A Charlie Brown Christmas was on.

   Since being subtle is wasted on the naive...... I WANT A BB GUN FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!

   All I want for Christmas is lots of bubble wrap

   "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" - The story of a homeless guy and his dog shunned by society during the holidays.

   that face you make when you only have 1 or 2 presents & the other people around you have 10-12 :-/...then while they are still opening theirs you sit around with that f you look

   I dont believe in Santa...but with no money in my pocket ....I think I will change my opinion about him.....

   LADIES.. ! Please stop asking Santa for the perfect man..I've been kidnapped 3 times this week !!

   I am such a thoughtful Lad! I bought my ex a chair for Christmas. But the power company won't let me hook it up.

   I think the smartest, most original thing a person can talk about is how early the Christmas decorations are up this year.

   We installed a Cain Train around the base of our Christmas tree, but it keeps stopping to hit on the Sugar Plum Fairy ornament.

   On the 5th day of Christmas? Christmas is ONE day. Convert to Judaism if you need a longer holiday.

   Xmas idea: let your child watch Chucky, then explain Elf on the Shelf

   I was thinking about becoming an atheist, but I thought screw it, you don't get any holidays.