Funny Status Messages
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If you're alone on Valentine's day to feel better just remember how for the love of a woman St. Valentine was in imprisoned then beat to death with clubs! 
I believe the only way to save Hawaii is to sacrifice a Michigan and Alabama fan to the angry Volcano.
What type of car does an electrician drive........ A Volts-wagon.
A homeless man asked for money today and instead I gave him my thoughts and prayers. We had a good laugh until he gave me a concussion.
Hot dogs, peas and applesauce, hum hum.... Hot dogs, peas, and applesauce, hum hum.
if you shave off your arm hair and it grows
back to the exact same length, does that mean its
twice as long as it was?
The Feast of San Gennaro. The Italian version of carnival food on a street decorated with signs on sticks of the Blessed Virgin Mary begging for money.
If the cops lied about me on 17 different accounts during their investigation, I would be found guilty too.
Happy Valintimes, as I love you more then I can express on a website sent by means of a plastic artificial intelligence device <3
The pubs in Ireland are closed until Aug 10.
Pubs in Ireland.
So by all means lets open Cracker Barrel right now.
Rocky is my favourite movie about beating meat
It's sad when the best looking girl from Texas happens to be Sandy Cheeks from Spongebob Squarepants.
Whether you order a six-inch or a foot- long, both you and your sandwich artist are thinking about diks for at least a second...
My labrador Retriver chewed up my TV remote controll. Now every time he farts the TV turns off.
They say one in a group of ten men is a ferry. So I think it's my buddy Steve in my group of friends..... He's really cute.
I'm Irish for a day.
I can't believe I'm still pissed off the the NBA title went to Canada.
Latin is like zombies. They're both technically dead but still influencing society.
Sluts are like Gary; they only like you for the cookie in your pants.
"See I don't understand me...My plan is to win your heart before I win the GRAMMY". :D 