santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   To America's welfare recipients ..."your welcome for a great year and a free Christmas".. From the rest of us hard working Americans slaving away every freakin' Day to provide for your well being.

   BREAKING NEWS: Rudolph commits suicide after Santa upgrades to GPS

   They Say There Is No Better Christmas Gift The A Homemade One That's Why I Will Be Giving Everybody Crystal Meth This Holiday Season

   The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

   Everyone is breaking up... Which means christmas is almost here!

   Dear Santa, I promise to be good next year… ;)

   Remember last week when I said I couldn’t wait for all the Christmas candy to be gone? Well, I lied…

   still has the christmas tree up in her room. I'm not a procrastinator, just an over achiever.

   Merry Christmas (I'm not showing off but I bet I get that trending all day today)

   guess what I found under the Christmas tree??? Floor tiles!

   A Real Man Shows His Love To His Woman Daily. He Needs No Special Occasions, Holidays Or Her Birthday, He Just Spontaneously Does Things

   all alone on christmas so why not get drunk ? Beers in the fridge !

   I told this homeless dude I would send him some supplies for Christmas but I need his address first

   I realized Santa wasn't real; when my toys had "Made in China" on them.

   This Christmas I'm going to surround the fireplace with bubblewrap so I can catch that Santa and ask him why he never got me that pony when I was little and see how he is going to make it up to me or I will hold Rudolph hostage.

   We made Gingerbread Man cookies today, and I'm still laughing. My kids were acting out Shrek with them, and one was Lord Farquad: "I'm not the monster, you are! Now tell me where are the others!" The other was the GBM: "Eat Me!" Christmas with kids = win

   What do you get a liberal for Christmas? A tent so they can not work like the rest of them.

   Wants Santa to bring me one of the hot girls thats on his naughty list

   Every time someone tells me Happy Holidays, I just want to deck their halls....with a roundhouse kick to the face.....

   Idea for a Christmas Party: Have two guys dress as Jesus and Santa Claus. One brings wine the other brings Eggnog with vodka. Santa brings his 12 reindeer playboy bunnies. All at your mother-in-law's house. ONE BIG JINGLE FOR THE YEAR.