santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Nothing shows more Christmas spirit then then Egypt, and Sudan they keep sending each other cars- that blow up! Merry Christmas You Filthy Animal!

   can't wait to watch his favourite Christmas movie, "The Christmas That Almost Wasn't Due To Santa's Urinary Tract Infection"

   It's pretty funny to strap a Christmas tree to the roof of your car, light it on fire, and drive around like nothing's wrong.

   Christmas will be here sooner than you think. Forget the gifts and commercialization, make it a time to be Merry. Unless you live in San Francisco....then make it a time to be Mary.

   This is like the 8th Christmas in a row I've been doing my last minute shopping & forgotten about the 10 day waiting period on handguns.

   That uneasy moment when Edward Cullen and Santa Clause run into each other because they're both watching you sleep.

   My girlfriend made me promise that when I fly home this Christmas it was her that I fantasized about during my "TSA pat down"

   ***LATEST SOCIAL MEDIA GAME~~~ Inbox me your Bank Account or Credit Card number (be sure to give me the expiration date and 3 digit security code) and I will post in my status which bill or Christmas gift I used it for. Let's play!!!

   you know your not much of a Christmas shopper anymore, when your still using some of the same wrapping paper you had 3 years ago . 🎁 🎁🎁 🎁

   Dear Santa .all I want for Xmas is ur naughty list.

   ♪ ♫ ♩♩ ♬ On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 relatives I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny updates, 9 "in relationship to single, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites

   "Christmas" Trees $5.00 per ft...."Holiday" Trees $20 per ft......Merry Christmas!

   to Santa, "My Mommy doesn't belive in you! Santa to kid, "Tell mommy to stop believing Obama!"

   Well Santa has started his Journey and is now in Australia. I hope he is careful over Iran. Last thing we need is to have him shot down and used as the latest Iranian Spy drone..

   I'm saying this before the 12th day of Christmas even arrives. I'm keeping the 8 maids a milking and the 9 ladies dancing. That's it Everything else is going back to Walmart.

   Dear Santa, Please get Apple to replace Siri with Channing Tatum

   Kanye West only accepted the role of Santa Claus after the director agreed to change the script so that the kids all asked him what he wanted for Christmas.

   That scene in Boogie Nights when Julianne Moore says "C*m on my t!ts, if you can, OK?" epitomizes what the holidays are like with my family.

   Teach your child what's going on in the world by telling them Santa was killed in a drone strike in a no fly zone; or he's being held up in the vetting process.

   Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don't think soooo.