Funny Status Messages
Search Messages:
If you die and wake up in hell, at least you know you did earth right! 
God put a woman in the bible and she ruined the whole book in the first chapter
Seat belts, aiding the view of cleavage since invention.
Canadian Official Opposition Leader "lists" her house on Airbnb to help Canada's deficit. America wishes more Republicans in Washington would do that than always complaining about Obama's agenda.
I checked out a book on time travel from the library. It's due last week.
Whenever I go to a stripclub I piont at the most slutttiest girl and say, "Hey I know you.... I use to go to church with you!"
Excuse me underccover police car, I like your 5 extra antennas...
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were an expert on my life and how I should live it. Please continue while I take f*cking notes.
Haven't heard Obama say one thing about getting rid of Nickelback yet!!!!
CNN, CBS, ABC, MSNBC. Not a fan of any news outlets. That's why I get all my information from one channel, The Cartoon Network
My husband says I never do anything, so I just cleaned out our bank account.
real reason Steve Jobs died.....Jesus needed tech support for his iPOD
Sunday is here again...time to put on our christianity hats and act all holly and mighty while we pretend to care about god and his 10 commandments.
Colin Kaepernick says America is not great and people tell him to leave. Donald Trump says America is not great and may become president. White privilege.
creating a petition to deport those signing the petition to secede from the United States...and send them to Mexico! GOOD RIDDANCE!
Still trying to figure out what I did wrong to get targeted ads for pants with underwear sewn in.
Fox news breakfast: Bigots and gravy.
I decide which beer to drink on a case by case basis
I'd have to say for the first time in 40 years I don't wish I was Eddie Van Halen.
A fun way to celebrate Palm Sunday while self-isolating is to slap your loved ones in the face and yell “Palm Sunday”. 