Funny Status Messages
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there is so many fun things to do at home that alot of people don't really think about doing but would if they were told about it.. Sitting in Hot tub and playing wii at the same time is one of them." 
You know you spend too much time on facebook when you start refering to people by their first, maiden, and last name!
I don't want buns of steel. I want buns of cinnamon.
We need less work days & more snack days....
... Julianne Hough thought bf Ryan Seacrest was gay! I was so looking forward to the day when he said, “Seacrest Out…Of The Closet!”
so why is that every holiday we stuff ourselves full of ham or turkey or whatever? like we really need an occasion to indulge our inner fat kid??
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars.... I could really use a wish right Now. B.O.B
I wish I had a kryptonite cross, that way I could defeat superman and dracula at the same time
I've downloaded the Darth Vader voice and labeled my final street destination "Your M0m" Just to hear: now turning on y0ur m0m
Then you aint to proud to clean up some oil are you? o btw I hope you choke on a crumpet
woke up my wife this morning. She started feeling my face with her eyes closed. I asked her what she's doing and she said "Looking for the off button."
Tried to log into my WellsFargo.com account with my MILF-Hunter.com password. Oh, whatever, like you never did that!
I'm totally over LOST. I don't even care anymore. I don't miss it at all. Do you want to drive by LOST's house and see if it's home?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I wish more people would put their highways up for adoption. So many people want one and are unable to have their own.
<Rages against the vending machine
Since you're asking....I want a mistletoe belt buckle for Christmas.
If you want to say the truth and you can't, DRINK and SAY IT ALL
In reality I'm at work. In my mind I'm in a hammock with Mary Ann and Ginger.
Technically, shoplifting from the Apple store only counts as scrumping." 