santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Are you all done with your Christmas shopping? I bought a lot more people gifts this year than I thought I did. You know why? I used my credit card at Target.

   2021 will be decided by what the Chinese will eat this christmas

   considered atheism, but there weren't enough holidays.

   Santa, you either take my name off the Naughty list, or I show Mrs. Claus those pictures of you with that little blonde elf that works in the Doll department!

   To all the people that send those annoying Christmas chain text messages I HOPE YOU GET COAL THIS YEAR UNDER YOUR TREE!!!

   Storage Wars is fake? What will you tell me next, that Taco Bell meat isn't real or that Santa isn't real?

   Still waiting to here those ghost stories they talk about in the Christmas song It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

   I put up all the Christmas lights for Easter.......

   A lot of kids were upset when they found out Santa was not real, I was more creeped out the fact my parents made me take a picture sitting on a strangers lap and kept it for years.

   After countless days of research I have solved the mystery.....When Santa says HO! HO! HO!...He is thinking of last name of his 3 favorite naughty sisters...Ima, Ivana, and Anita...

   Took my car into the mechanic. It was making a horrible high-pitched squeal. He said it was coming from the the Mariah Carey Christmas CD.

   We must love and respect one another. Except people who decorate Christmas trees with blue lights. They should be waterboarded.

   I considered atheism, but there weren't enough holidays.

   My friend is staying in a hotel on Christmas Eve, which sounds really depressing, but I bet Mary and Joseph would have killed for that.

   This time of year there is always that one house that has like 15 of those inflatable Christmas lawn decorations. In the daytime it looks like there was a drive by shooting at the North Pole with no survivors.

   I'm deaming of a white Christmas......but if the white runs out, I'll drink the Red.

   ♪ ♫ ♬ Oh Christmas tree oh Christmas tree, you have more balls than me-ee. ♪ ♫ ♬

   apologizes for sounding insensitive, but that "Christmas Shoes" song just plain sucks.

   Instead of exchanging gifts at work for Christmas I wish we could exchange families.

   It's only 5:00 PM, but I guess I better start my Christmas shopping. Liquor store, here I come.