Funny Status Messages
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▒▒broke my spac▒ebar but ▒▒a▒▒ little duct tape goes▒▒ a long w▒ay…. 
launching a nuclear missile!
If you believe beating your meat is evil, but beating your wife is ok, you just might just be from a red state.
your teeth are so yellow you should get a part time job at the movie theatre spittin on the popcorn.
Official sponsor and supplier for the London 2012 Olympic Games. ..RAIN !
Gay marriage is now legal. In related news Caitlyn Jenner has decided to marry herself under the surname Jenn Brucer
A lot of people say the bible is the greatest story ever told but I've always been partial to Back to the Future.
54% of Americans prefer to "fold" their toilet paper instead of "wad" it. The same percentage believe organized religion will save your soul.
A new study says you shouldn't believe everything you read on Facebook that starts out by saying a new study says.
This account has been suspended and is under review for violations of the Facebook Terms of Service (TOS). To review the TOS for yourself, please feel free to click the Terms link at the bottom of each page. Inbox items and well feed posts will be visible
I'm sure the same people questioning Cutler's toughness are probably also wondering why Congresswoman Giffords isn't back 2 work yet!
Chowing down on some Free Range Whale. The Japanese do it all the time... nom nom nom
If you are drunk, and you get bitten by a mosquito. Since alcohol is in your blood, I wonder what that does to the mosquito...Things that make you go hmm...Be Breezy
We own Texas" - Wildcat Nation
it seems like facebook and apple have something in common...apple has the slogan there's an app for that...facebook should have a slogan that says there's a fan page for that.
All I got to say is "Sisters before misters."
"Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I told a lie just to earn some money." "Christ will forgive you, remember to put money into the donation box."
like a good neighbor, state farm I there...with halle berry butt naked feeding me peeled grapes!
My 300 lb. sister got a belly ring. I peeked at the receipt, it was from U-Haul. She got a hitch.
I think its soo cool when your EX becomes an XXL 