Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   stepped on a corn flake...Does that make me a cereal killer?

   I went to a Gay picnic once , the music was good , decorations were just lovely . The Beer was cold , hamburgers were just delicious but the hot dogs tasted like crap .

   Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.

   A Guy gives a girl 12 roses, 11 real, 1 fake, and tells her "I will love you until the last rose dies<3

   kid climbed into the Gorilla exhibit because the Gorilla looked like his jigaboo father

   Do Lions count Sheep befor they fall asleep

   I wonder what fish smelled like before women went swimming?

   Everyone talks about global warming, but what about global humidity?

   My buddy was playing a drinking game where he’d take a shot of whiskey every time Trump lies. His funeral is Tuesday.

   So, how long before we can marry our cousins, brother, sister, pets or all of the above at the same time? Asking for a friend.

   "Shut up facebook.I'm trying to do my homework,"

   GOOD for these men cheating. Maybe their wives should be taking care of bizniz @ home!!!

   reading the first 100 pages of the Economic Stimulus Plan!

   decided to burn lots of calories today.....so I set a fat kid on fire. :)

   Had colon cancer so they removed part of it. Now I have a ;

   To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm making my house into an Italian restaurant.

   Place aluminum foil in a paper shredder ... BOOM TINSEL !!

   Andy Rooney vapor locked today at age 92. I don't want to say he was old, but I heard his Social Security number was "1".....RIP you miserable old fart!

   Guys, ever have a dream where Angelina Jolie goes down on you and her lips explode all over your crotch? No? Well, you will now...

   Guess what? I'm dead. And if you think I stunk before, you should get a whiff of me now.-Ghadafi