Funny Status Messages

   Oh god please let next year be a better year and let it bring hopefully an end to Obama's drone strikes killing innocent people.

   My mom says you are what you eat. That's funny, because I haven't eaten any sexy beasts recently. ;)

   You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.

   "Look at the keyboard ... you and I are together, look underneath it says JK."

   God I hate people who always bring God into everything.

   rub an atheist nutz the wrong way and they hiss like a snake that they are...

   ::Phone rings:: Hello Russia... yeah its USA. Hey wanted to know if we could hitch a ride up to the ISS next month on your shuttle..... Oh, ok, yeah, we understand..... Sure, maybe next time. No worries, we'll find another ride. =/

   Phil mickleson has by far the sloppiest titties of any professional athletes that I have ever seen.

   Forget a dislike button, I'd rather have a 'This makes me want to punch you in the back of the head' button. Especially between now and tomorrow when 96% of you will have the exact same status. New Moon is out or reminding me it's Friday.

   ๑۩۩๑ MY KINGDOM ๑۩۩๑

   Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

   If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?

   Would rather wash clothes than go to a Wnba game

   'I like my men like I like my coffee... ground up and in the freezer.'

   Just saw an ad that says, "Grow 4 inches in 4 weeks". Wow, can you imagine a 6 inch c*ck!

   For extra cash, consider robbing sex offenders. Their addresses are easy to find and they can't own guns.

   Are you auditioning to be a FOX News host, or do you just enjoy being an uninformed, reality-challenged halfwit?

   Wow I guess David didn't beat Goliath, Tim Tebow did... what a game.

   The last time a Christian was that thoroughly torn apart, Caligula was Emporer.

   What's up with the Mexican jokes, they are so lame! Come up with something better...LOL