Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   looking forward to July 12th... England 4?5?6? - USA 0

   Pondering the effects of the Reconciliation Budget law on osteopathic medical education

   Not to worry Obama will fix everything while he's on vacation in Rio this weekend......

   I’m trying to teach our self cleaning oven how to do the rest of the house.

   If I was told when I was a kid that in the future, the press would glorify a drug addled jigaboo repeat offending felon who resisted arrest and would ignore 13 servicemen who died, I wouldn't have believed it. Yet here we are.

   Maybe women wear a watch because they dont carry a stove with them everywhere they go you sexist b@stard.

   life sucks (mood:optimistic)

   Beauty is why God invented eyeballs.., and your booty is why God invented my balls...

   would so kill herself if she believed in reincarnation.

   thinks it would be easy for all the asians that are changing their profile pictures for It's "Doppelgänger Week" on Facebook, because they could all just change it to Jackie Chan... God knows they all lookalike..

   Someone go take out a famous black guy so we can get another day off next year

   Just seen a Cheerios commercial with an interracial family so I've eaten my last bowl of Cheerios.

   I love my women like I love my Ikea furniture, cheap and missing a couple screws

   Miss Understood

   Sarah Palin probably thinks Obama's drilling plan doesn't go far enough in terms of wrecking the environment.

   August 4th 1969....Yeah, not a day that America needed! Or what ever country he was REALLY born in..

   drinking beers with his peers

   coming up so you better get this party started.

   never been called a Space Cowboy.

   Dear Lord You have taken away my favourite actoress britney Murphy favourite Singer Mj and my favourite spokesman billy mays I just wanna say my favourite singer is lil wayne