downey Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon wanna come back to my place & watch some p0rn on my 60" flat screen mirror?
←Rate | 06-29-2012 17:06 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon it's not that I'm bad at remembering names, I'm just awesome at forgetting them.
←Rate | 05-19-2011 12:37 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon I changed my alarm tone to a Justin Bieber song and it works great... Now I wake up early just so I don't have to hear that $hit.
←Rate | 04-13-2012 07:14 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not a proctologist...but I know an A**HOLE when I see one
←Rate | 05-13-2011 12:16 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon that awkward moment when she catches you trying to take a pic of her, and you have to pretend to be texting someone...
←Rate | 05-19-2011 15:39 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got a text from my girlfriend, 'thespacebuttonisfaultyonthisphonecanyoupleasegivemeanalternative.' I wonder what 'ternative' means?
←Rate | 04-19-2012 16:22 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can we start a rumor that all Ed Hardy & Tapout shirts are bullet proof?
←Rate | 11-15-2012 00:25 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
←Rate | 05-27-2011 01:15 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like when a woman tries to shove 210 pounds in a 135 pound dress because I used to bag groceries and admire that level of conviction.
←Rate | 04-13-2012 07:15 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Gain, You need to come up with a laundry soap that will wash the disappointment out of my sheets after a regretful one night stand.. Work on that. Sincerly, Every Guy in America
←Rate | 05-19-2011 14:44 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to the store and got me some Oreo's. As I was walking back to my car I saw a friend who told me that it was his birthday today...so for the 1st time ever, without being sarcastic, I was able to say "What...Do you want a cookie or something?"
←Rate | 06-20-2011 21:19 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn't the right answer...
←Rate | 12-27-2012 00:20 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only thing my ex & I had in common was that neither one of us would suck a d!ck.
←Rate | 04-28-2012 09:13 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Music now a days sucks....Jim Morrison, dead; Kurt Cobain, dead; Biggie, dead; Justin Beiber, healthy as a god damn mule!
←Rate | 03-25-2011 19:12 by downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not going to lie to you. There's a good chance that at some point, I will probably try to do you. That's just how I roll.
←Rate | 04-13-2012 07:07 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon next time you go through the drive-thru at McD, order a burger and say "can you please hold the pickle" in a sexy voice... trust me, it's worth it!
←Rate | 07-29-2011 22:14 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say good things come to those who wait, so it looks like ima be bout an hour late ;)
←Rate | 05-13-2011 11:43 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon My ex girlfriend felt the same way about anal, as she did about eating at McDonald's... If she was drunk enough, she would do it.
←Rate | 09-01-2011 19:20 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon they make veggie meatloaf?.... Yeah, better wash that down with a warm O'douls
←Rate | 02-19-2011 23:44 by downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon being that they're all middle aged men now with kids of their own, I think now's a good time to change their name to Minivan-Halen.
←Rate | 04-13-2012 07:03 by Downey Comments (0)  


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