Funny Status Messages
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Donald Trump is what happens when John Boehner bangs a llama. 
"Joseph was engaged to Mary, but she then revealed she's pregnant. You won't BELIEVE who she says the baby daddy is......Today on MAURY".
A woman who act like a man will get slapped like a man! Thats a standard rule..
What if Captain Planet and Obama are gay lovers?
Dear Amish person reading this: Busted!
"He's bleeding out!" The physician yells, "Mr. Kool aid man we need to do a transfusion, what's your blood type?" He replies weakly "O-yeah"
.... It's now being reported on the news that Kim Jong Il's very last words before he died were ......... "Hey, .... Aren't you Chuck Nor..............."
parties after Jesus died must've been pretty lame for the rest of his disciples ..
bill belichek is still in the locker room crying like a b1tch so no interview from him till tomorrow Lmao
If a fat girl falls over in the middle of a forest and no-one's around to see it, do the trees laugh?
Don't lie, cheat or steal. The government hates competition.
My dog wishes everyone a Merry Christmas. Fleas Navidad.
going to The Regal Beagle tonight with Janet and Chrissy. Larry will meet us later. When we get together, shenanigans will soon follow.
Just read that Jimmy Dean has died at age 81. RIP Instead of cremation his family has chosen to have him ground into a delicious breakfast sausage... Very touching
I've always wondered iffilm directors wake up screaming"CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" whenthey have nightmares.
Damn I just seen this big chick with a belly ring soon as she sat down it VANISHED
God, when I said make it rain on me, what I meant was shower me with money like a stripper, not the weather
Jennifer Aniston has the emotional range of the volleyball in "Cast Away" & the comedic timing of a syphilis outbreak.
Me: "I'll have a Coke please." Waitress: "Is Pespi okay?" Me: "Is Monopoly money okay?
difference between jam and jelly..I cant jelly my D..k into her mouth 