Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   all about sharing...I'll eat the hotdog if you eat the bun

   For sale: Mini large-screen TV. Save space! Only 27"! Also available: giant portable TV. A whopping 27"!

   Study shows women are less likely to keep their cars clean. Yeah, because they don't need a clean car to get laid.

   "Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you."

   wears boxers so my ..... can breathe

   Umm whoever is thinking about me, could you please stop. I'm tired of running!

   havin octopus for dinner tonight :)

   If you love cats adopt one. If you hate cats support the Chinese cuisine.

   If you have more than one Bluetooth…does that mean you have blue teeth?

   happy and he knows it...but refuses to clap his hands or stomp his feet.

   Carpe Edam - Sieze the Cheese

   out making some changes in hisher life...leave a message and I'll get back yo you. if I don't return your message your one of the changes!

   facebook the place where people change there profile picture more then they do there underwear

   FINALLY... I have a date for tomorrow .... and she is so smoking HOT .... she is my GAS RANGE..., coz I STILL have 2 GO 2 WORK AND COOK ON VALENTINES DAY!!!

   I just bumped into a guy wearing a camouflage jacket. I really didn't see him.

   wishing I could invade my neighbors farms and take over their land in Farmville.

   gonna stand outside, so when people ask where I am you can tell them "He's outstanding!"

   make sure you get all the bubbles out of the syringe....

   secretly replaced the Parmesan cheese shaker with a used Pedi-Egg.... will her guests be able to tell the difference?

   If I was an MMA fighter and had cauliflower ear, I'd seriously consider cutting my ears off.