Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why don't people scream when they get stabbed in movies?

   The DNC is going to be so interesting that BLM leaders are going to stop shooting Africans to watch.

   the bad news for The Donald is that p#ssy is one of the few things that sticks to teflon

   Actually, Trump didn't fire the entire pandemic response team in 2018 because he hated Obama. But I do remember when their planned budget cut happened so they could focus on real issues. Coronavirus lies.

   Peter Fonda died. Let me guess, Hilary killed her too?

   I'm thinking of opening up a restaurant called "meatballs and tea" and have billboards on the highway advertising it with the slogan "even if you don't like our balls, you can still come in for a tea bag"

   Hey! Who remembers seeing men on tv ripping phone books in half? Hey! Who remembers phone books? Hey! Who remembers men?

   I shouldn’t repeat idle gossip from the neighbors but I just heard arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf

   My wife is now fully vaccinated so I use her as a human shield wherever we go]

   Who has no heart, brains or courage? The tinman, scarecrow and lion. Who did you think I meant?

   OK 2016 there are still a few days left ... so I nominate Hillary and the Kardashians just to ballance things out ...

   Too bad these communist Russians cannot hack their economy and make it great.

   I thought it was cool when Superman visited Bizarro World where up is down and yes is no. But in a comic book. Not the White House.

   The reason Trump won't release his tax returns is religious. He doesn't want us to mock his profit.

   The bright side of Trump eradicating the ozone layer is even with melanoma and retinal cancer, we can all enjoy the pretty polluted sunsets.

   The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 7 hours of sleep.

   How was the winter solstice? I missed it because the stores were out of solstice glasses

   How to Find the Leaker in 4 Steps: 1) Close your eyes 2) Stand in front of a mirror 3) Open your eyes 4) There’s your leaker!

   Hear those bangs and explosions? That’s the sound of freedom. That’s America! Let’s not deny others this opportunity.

   Boycott Walmart: I’m starting to think that Make America Great Again is not cut out for capitalism.