Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   SpaghettiOs ® amazing.

   Do slutty girls say, "that what I said" jokes?

   If you were a ten year-old boy, what would you want most from Bath and Body Works?

   there a way to write a Yelp review for one of my girlfriend's farts?

   I wish I could collect all the tears you made me cry.. So I could DROWN you in them :(

   I don't think we can be friends if you're not mentally & physically prepared to play my gen!tals like a naughty game of "Bop it".

   Dang, you look better than ever. LOL JK, you've been hittin up McDonalds lately, right?

   If Your Hair Isn't Long Enough For A Ponytail Don't Put In One!

   What can I say ... I'm The Guy that Adele is singing about !

   It really sucks being without a cell phone because now I have to give everyone 100% of my full attention.

   To the Indian Cricket Team- Guys, please remember it's the FOURTH test tomorrow & not a FOUR-day test!

   Tragedy strikes Honah Lee. Puff the Magic Dragon, last seen as he frolicked in the mist was found dead by the sea. Not a good start to the Chinese, Year of the Dragon....Police are seaching for Little Jackie Paper. Foul play is suspected.

   Ok Mr Bum on the red light knocking on my window, there's a reason why I am pretending to text on my phone.

   I can do a couple things with my money on Valentine's day, I can spend it on a buke of flowers or take this girl I like out to dinner.. Hmmmm.. nahhh I'm going to the Arcade!

   If you buy clothes that everyone is buying, your trying way to hard to fit in and be cool.. Buy stuff that you think is cool, if you follow trends your a f*****g poser!

   I only eat local... that's why I never go down on girls that are just visiting town.

   Ladies, I have some really fantastic pictures of beads.

   Excuse me, I may drink a little more then I should tonight ~ Pitbull

   Why take Davy Jones?? Peter Tork would have been a much better Monkee choice.

   no more monkeying around for Davy Jones