Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   now interactive on facebook. If you move your arrow keys on the keyboard it controlls my left ear. Have fun!

   I've learned that if you say you're a bad liar, you can pretty much lie about anything.

   Really? If you can pee that high, DEFINITELY join the fire brigade. Yah

   ‎"Hold my beer and watch this." ...that sure brings back high school memories..

   wished there was o dislike button for pics posted in fb...:|

   I had a recurring dream once !

   MONDAYS ARE FOR MASOCHISTS. It's bleak and raining and there's not one dang cookie in the house.

   Oh, crap! This isn't where I parked my car!

   thinks its amazing how he just killed his catus by not watering it

   With Ireland having a trouble these days, I say we should come up with a St Pattys Day in December. All profits will go to bail out Ireland!

   Being up all night with a child didn't bother me so much when I was younger. This got me to thinking... I cannot believe menopause and teaching him how to drive a car is going occur in the same week!

   I just realized I make the same noises when I eat pizza that I do during my "happy time"

   waiting for Pam Anderson to fall out of her dress on DWTS!!

   thinks we don't need a 51st star with our current economy!

   must be the only one that has no idea wth a bieber is...the news is constantly giving alerts "just in..." Should I be frightened?!

   My mom hates when I put tin-foil in the microwave and make my own fireworks!

   I am afraid if I started selling my body I might end up on the cover of Forbes Magazine.....

   wishes more businesses would check their signs for mistakes. There is a HUGE difference in "Closed for remodeling" and " Closed for remolding."

   If we all just look at the big picture then no one will ever find the secret vault behind it

   super excited we got away from your parents this weekend...now if we could only lose your husband/wife....