Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Debating if I should clean the inside of my refrigerator out. Or just unscrew the light bulb.

   I went to confession. Things in my life have gotten way out of hand and I mean WAY out. For penance, the priest gave me 10 Hail Marys, 10 Act of Contritions, 10 Our Fathers and a Do It Yourself Crucifixion kit from IKEA.

   This coming Wednesday, the groundhog's 6 week weather forecast will once again claim 100% accuracy while your local TV meteorologist's 5 day forecast will hover at its usual 1%.

   I just got 40 winks on the suaway........ I knew I shouldn't of worn this pink T-shirt.

   I have more trust in a link from a bot account than I do in Michael Cohen.

   I'm a proud member of the Exaggerators Club. Membership 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 and growing.

   Most used homosexual catch phrase - "Im with her"

   BREAKING NEWS: Game show hosts going on strike... They know their jobs are in Jeopardy,.. but they won't settle until they can get a contract where The Price Is Right.

   To the folks who are "scared" about having a strange new President on January 20th, Relax -There's a reason Obama was called the 44th President, Because the one after will be the 45th! This is nothing new for Pete' Sake!

   South Americans. They gave the world coffee and tomatoes. It was all downhill from there.

   Super Bowl: it's like WrestleMania, but boring.

   Spicer says TrumpCare doesn't have a Plan B - "it's just Plan A and Plan A." But we all know there's gonna be a morning-after bill.

   For some reason the British people have been complaining that they had to donate 20% of their entire economy to the European Economic Union ..... How selfish of them.

   Wookies to the left of me, Ewoks to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle of Endor with you...

   If you travel to Mexico Donald Trump will require you to help pay for the wall.

   Could you imagine if Hillary Clinton mentioned Benghazi in her deleted emails? Republicans heads would explode!!!

   A new poll says 50% want Trump and 50% want Killary... Me?... I just want a lobotomy..

   "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." #FamousMelaniaTrumpQuotes

   blame the a hole running t his platform for allowing this political bs to fly.

   My wife is so fat, she eats a snack between snacks.