Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Hear those Screams ??? That's not over Halloween scares. Its Star Wars fans freaking out. Walt Disney bought LucasFilms for $4 Billion dollars. Episode 7 will be released in 2015. I'm wondering how Sheldon Cooper and the rest of the gang on "Big Bang Theo

   I forgive people immediately, after Karma gets them for me.

   Its not a coincidence that its always the ugly girls who say they dont need a man.

   I always stuff the bird on Thanksgiving.

   Maury needs to lock the Door so those Chicks can't run backstage.. Face it bithc

   Cant Help Eavesdropping to a Group of Senior Citizens as they Reminisce their College Life... Funny and Disgusting at the same time..

   you can have Jack Frost!! I want Jack Daniels :)

   My life has been brought to you by.............. "It seemed like a REALLY good idea at the time (Insert: "Officer", "Your Honor", or "Doc" here)."

   Santa's reindeer, Donder? Didn't know that, though it was Donner

   I spy, with my little i, a lawsuit from Apple.

   I hate it when I don't know if you're joking or not.

   I gave my friend the privacy he needed when talking to his girlfriend & now he's like "I could've died when you pushed me out of the car".

   There's no shame in being afraid. Hell, we're all afraid. What you gotta do is figure out what you're afraid of because when you put a face on it, you can beat it. Better yet, you can use it.

   What bores me is repetition, i.e. when people repeat themselves. It's boring and repetitive. Boring. Like repetitive posts. They bore me.

   How many times in your life have you said HE or SHE is the one only to find out that you were mistaken?

   Perpetually looking for things I misplaced.

   The 4 interactions I've had with human beings today, plus the one after that.

   What did the Peanut say to the Walnut? I'll cashew later.

   I stopped saying I liked women with "junk in the trunk" when I realized it wasn't a euphemism for ana l.

   I'm learning Spanish! Lesson 1 is pronunciation. So far I know "huh", "I'm sorry what" & "Can you say that again please"