Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Gossip is usually planted with the hopes that it will spread.

   I rang Babestation the other night and the woman said "Hi sexy, what can I do for you? I said "Fu*king hide, my wife's coming and ive lost the remote!

   As awesome as it would be, sadly the state farm jingle does not work for you unless you are doing a commercial :(

   believes that I date the same man over and over just in different wrappers...

   Wonder if all the fake Facebooker's will be real on Halloween and tell us how their life is really going??

   Sometimes you gotta give them candy...

   People still talk about the Clinton sex scandal as if the meteoric rise and fall of the Sneaker Pimps wasn't the 90s drama du jour.

   I have an inferiority complex....but it's not a very good one !

   writing in his new book "sex and pregnancy - a possible connection?"

   It is true there is no "I' in team, but there is a lot of "I's" on the USA Olympic Men's Basketball Team

   so....I just got a Booty Call from Life....apparently it still wants to keep screwing me.... :(

   Rick Ross made a song call "Hold Me Back"....He dont seem to realize how many people that would take

   it too much to ask to get my free stolen ppv stream in HD?

   thinking it's time to stand up! My bum is numb...

   let's get married but instead of kids we have nachos!

   wondering...is it ironic to call a hug at the end of the first date the "kiss of death"?

   Sometimes I like to challenge myself AnD exercise at the same time.... Today I made it an extra five minutes just by squirming around and wiggling my foot before I had to run for the bathroom........

   If you try to use Apple's iOS 6 maps, you might discover a new unchartered continent.

   Weird. Just set fire to the gym after they played "Gangnam Style" and when I told the cops the reason they high-fived me and gave a medal.

   A stranger is just a friend you haven't alienated yet.