Funny Status Messages

   Everyone knows that Santa lives at the North Pole, but does anyone know where the Easter Bunny lives?

   I just burnt 330 calories in about 30 minutes. And thats the last time I look at facebook with a pizza in the oven!

   I just wanna take a vacation and get nastier than a black jelly bean

   "Nothing like a game of Twister, that's our motto." - Makers of IcyHot

   If your getting together with your 10 piece band to make a "Social Distancing Video" I think you've missed the point of social distancing.

   Dear Curiosity, Just put down the gun and let's talk this out. Sincerely, the Cat.

   A dog can only be as proportionally smart as its owner. So, if you're a mouth-breathing knuckle-dragger, there's no hope for you, and even less for your dog.

   I was lost and yes I did go looking but I did not find you Cyndi Lauper. Glad I didn’t fall.

   You know its sad when your mother is on facebook and guys younger than you are poking her

   I just read something that said, "Don't believe everything you read." I'm not sure if I should believe it.

   I don't understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake

   Nothing around here makes sense. If something did make sense it wouldn’t make sense because in order to make sense it can’t make sense. Am I making sense?

   I am really not surprised that there are not many women race car drivers, Women drive all over town like race car drivers anyway

   My bank has this cool feature, whenever I want, they send me a text message with my Account balance. I do however think that adding "LOL" at the end of the message is really unnecessary

   f you're not offending anyone here, you're not trying hard enough.

   How much extra is it for the stripper to touch your heart?

   Today is national drug take back day. For your convenience, I will be placing a collection basket outside my front door.

   If things are slippery when wet, then why is it so hard to get socks on my wet feet?

   I went to the zoo today and saw the elephants . . . but I don't want to TALK about it!

   A scarecrow is outstanding in his field.