Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Selena Gomez was rushed to a local hospital suffering from nausea and a severe headache. .....She's probably been infected by Bieber fever....

   Agnostics are just athiests without balls......;)

   "This pu55y won't eat itself!" "Actually, those leggings are proving otherwise."

   My name is __________ and my goal is to make you smile.

   Q. What's DNA stand for? A. National Dyslexics Association

   If heaven is gonna be full of religious fanatics n 'holier than thou' people, I am not going...

   Raisins are just senior citizen grapes.

   Test tube babies shouldn't throw stones.

   It really pi$$es me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

   According to D!ck Clark this new year's eve is going to be the "besjtkdksnsm newsjsjsoa evesjdddb."

   My cuzn's baby's daddy's lil bruda's bes fren's uncle's x-wife's boyfren's mama's awnt's nexdoe neigba's susta in law said tell you Mur Cripmus!

   Lovin my early Christmas present of a Massage Chair! Work never felt so good!.. Now if someone would just invent a vibrating tampon I could start lovin my periods too

   Am always telling the truth unless am lying.

   It wouldn't be a normal Sunday on the couch watching the Baltimore/Indianapolis game without the Erectile Dysfunction commercial. 4 hours? Goddamn.

   Hi there, I'm a human being! What are you?

   (f*-*)f(f*-*)f(f*-*)f <<Thriiiller!!!

   thinks Katy Perry should be offered as a flavor at Baskin Robbins.

   yeah and you have justin bieber......... your play america

   teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool.

   Who is "Taxes" and "IRS"? Those jerks have been sending me junk mail for years.